Cop Fridays: Lies Beget Liars, No Matter How Pretty

Gif from Tumblr

     Dear Jesus, someone in the town of Rosewood is finally making sense! Of course it's not the Pretty Little Liars, but it's Spencer's mom, Veronica Hastings. This time and she is on the nose here. She announced she is putting the family home on the market. Veronica simply said,  "Severing ties with this town would be healthy, for all of us." I'm slapping a palm to my face and yelling duh at the top of my lungs. This town is toxic to all of the characters in this show, except Mona, who has nine lives.  Poor Spencer discovered in last week's spring premiere that Veronica is not her biological mother. Somehow, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom, giving us Jason DeLaurentis. Then, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom's twin sister, Mary Drake, which brought us Spencer. Spencer and Alison, by my account, are now cousins that share a brother and Spencer's half-brother is Alison's adopted brother, who became a girl (it's deeply socially confusing and a bit backwoods). This revelation came as part of the super creepy "Liars Lane" game that was left for the 5 girls. This creepily customized board game sends clues and tasks via a cell phone, like regular A with the added bonus of a scale model of the girls and their town. Overall, it's less involved than making masks of their faces or re-creating their bedrooms in an underground dollhouse, but still creepy as hell .Do they choose to report the game to the police? Of course not, because they think it would self-destruct before the detectives could even get a look at it. This is one the reasons I can't watch horror movies, I can't believe the characters would be so dumb. As explained in the Cosmo PLL oral history, members of the production staff made a jar and every time someone asked  a logical question (why is she running in heels?? Did the lairs even go to school today?) they had to surrender then door and surrender their disbelief.

The Rosewood Church (c) PipPepPop

     Spencer is now in desperate need to find her mother, who gave birth to her in a mental institution. This is the same institution that Spencer checked in herself for a number of ailments (she went full Jessie Spanno). In short, keeping all these secrets caused Spencer to have a breakdown. Who can blame her, her sister married a psycho who nearly killed Emily before falling off the top of a church. Spencer is also the same girl that blacked out part of the night Alison went missing and realized she tried to bludgeon the girl in the head with a field hockey stick (before they knew they were related). EW!  At the end of the day, Spencer pulled herself together and made it through college.  Adult Spencer devoted her life to her (fake) mother's political aspirations, and spiraled into a somewhat destructive relationship with her best friend Hanna's ex, Caleb. She also stalked her ex, Toby, and his new girlfriend turned baby mama turned fiance. Poor Yvonne is in a coma now after she and Toby  hit a deer with their car (the first non-human hit by a car in this show). The whole messy situation was complicated by Yvonne's mom running for the position Spencer's mom eventually won. Poor Toby was in the middle. Let's also take a moment to remember Toby became a police officer. Was he that good? Well, he didn't get murdered, and I'm 90% sure he never murdered anyone, so in this town that's pretty good.

Image from Giphy

     What is Spencer up to now? She's actually talking to the police about finding Mary, and her recent shooting. We were told by the detective that  out likely Uber A (Blind Jenna) did not shoot Spencer because the ballistics didn't match. This could only mean that Mary shot her own child. She must have been trying to send Spencer a message, unless there was yet another person lurking in the school for the blind when the liars went there to confront the now dead Noel Kahn. At least Spencer is reaching out to a detective!

Rosewood town hall.
(c) PipPepPop

     Here's a roundup of the other potentially legal drama in town. Hannah was designing dresses for a political socialite and Blind Jenna was seen wearing an identical dress. Suddenly the front page of the post claimed Hannah stole the design. This is important to note: Jenna is still bind (or so we think) and her two bodyguards were also blind with sunglasses. It was like she was flanked by the men in black.They also went to a meeting on the "dicey" side of town, which was indicated by a shoe repair shop and a bail bondsman.

     Emily is working at her old school as a swim coach, and trying to help Alison with a situation (see below). Of course, Emily's ex Paige is jealous, and all 3 women work at the same school. This time, Alison doesn't self-destruct; Paige previously lost her mind at a staff meeting. Even A isn't involved in this scandal, it's all in the hands of a whiny teen swimmer. She is a min-Alison, skipping practice and punishing Emily when she got punished. This chick (I'll call her A-minus) shows photos of Emily and Alison hugging during school and alleges some inappropriate conduct with students. Hey, maybe this girl  who would have been 9 when the drama started is the Uber A! Maybe she's another sister of Alison! Clearly, stranger things have happened. Speaking of Alison and stranger things, she is still moping after discovering she is pregnant with her psycho husband's baby. The good news is that the girls killed Alison's kidnapping and embezzling husband. The bad news is that the cops still think he skipped town and fled to Europe. Alison won't tell her other friends about the demon seed, creating a rift between Emily and the other,s like before Ali died. The question I can't figure out is what is Alison's deal? Is she interested in men and women? Does she just like toying with Emily? Will she make a decision about keeping the baby? Will she befall the same fate as her aunt and have this kid in a mental asylum? I don't know, but if I had my way, this baby would be Uber A!

Alison's House / Seaver home-
 Growing Pains (c) PipPepPop

     Finally we wrap-up with Aria. She may or may not still have a job. I'm unclear if she and her fiance Ezra finished writing their novelization about he and his ex-girlfriend getting kidnapped as relief workers. (Yes, this happened, just give in a dollar). Ezra left town because the ex, Nicole, was discovered still alive, and he's spent most of these two episodes in New York with her family trying to help her. Poor Aria feels like she can't even bask in her engagement  (to her former high school teacher) because the news is covering Nicole's story, celebrating the reunited couple (of Ezra and Nicole). Aria ran into a cute, childhood friend, who works for his sister's wedding planning business. Surprise, she's spending all this time with him, and her response to every question is "I don't know what Ezra wants." This is the most truthful thing I've heard in these two new episodes. Maybe it's finally clear that Aria and Ezra do not belong together. The law may not be keeping them apart any more, but they have irreconcilable differences.

{The most interesting thing I learned about filming on the WB studio tour is that every set (inside and exteriors) is dressed daily the the set decorators and teams, down to the signs and knobs}. Please enjoy PLL set photos from the WB studio tour! 

PREDICTIONS:

• I'm still convinced everyone in the town is in on this and they are all "A."
• Aria and Spencer's dads are going to start a creepy dad band.
• Hannah will stop wearing grungy sweats if she wants to be a fashion designer. 
• Spencer will confront her real mother.
• We will never see Spencer's sister or Jason again .
• (because they cannot handle this weird family dynamic) 
• Jenna will get her sight/ we find out she got it back a long time ago.
• Spencer and Toby will get back together.

CW Exclusive Premieres Scoop!

I had the delight of attending the Paley Center's exclusive preview of CW's new shows last night (yes, I willingly chose to go to the CW one, I had the options of attending ABC, NBC, FOX, and CBS as well, but I love myself a good teen drama). When the emcee asked what we were most excited about this fall, an excited fan yelled, "Ringer, because Buffy is back." True that, my friend. True that!

I saw the highly anticipated (and that anticipation was well-worth it) debut of Ringer, with all of its Sarah Michelle Gellar-ness, two hours before its world premiere! I am so pumped for the next episode of this murder/deception mystery (film noir, as they used to call it in the days of Bogie and Bacall), which focuses on a pair of estranged twins.

The Cliff's Notes:
If you can't catch the re-broadcast on Friday night, Bridget is a down-on her luck recovering drug addict and former dancer. Six years ago, she ruined her relationship with her twin, Sibbohan, and it had something to do with an accident to a toddler boy. Sibbohan flees from Wyoming instead of testifying in a murder trial,m and goes top visit her well-off married sister, who has finally forgiven her. They take a boat trip, Bridget wakes up to find her sister apparently having committed suicide via drowning, and nothing but an engagement ring a purse. Bridget escapes her life by becoming her sister (nobody knows Sibbohan had a twin), and finds herself in more trouble than before. She's now got a cold husband, druggie teen stepdaughter, suspicious best friend, and lover (husband of suspicious best friend). And the doctor called to tell her (sister) she's pregnant. Someone's trying to kill her new persona, the feds are after her old one, and guess what? Sibbohan is alive and well, and living in Paris. There ends episode 1.

The more easy-paced Hart of Dixie marked the return of OC's Rachel Bilson to TV. Typical hotshot is exiled from the city and takes refuge as a doctor in a small town (reminds me vaguely of the setup to USA's Royal Pains). Dr. Zoe Hart (funny, I kept wanting to call her Roxie, damn that Chicago), accepts a GP position in Bluebell, Alabama, after half of a practice is left to her. I enjoyed how many times Bluebell was said during the episode and only wish I'd had a drink handy so we could play a little game to go along with the count. She's out of place and out of soul. her dreams of being a cardiothorasic surgeon are slipping (she got passed over for poor bedside manner, a chip off the old Cristina Yang) and she needs to learn some general skill before being considered for next year;s fellowship. She's got three possible love interests: a pretty southern gent George (lawyer be trade, savior by action, engaged to a girl named Lemon), football star turned mayor Lavon (apparently a former secret lover of Lemon, but her family would disapprove of him because of Jim Crow laws), and a rude but vaguely hot, Dixie-loving caretaker, Wade.

Plus, Zoe finds out she was left the practice because the strange old man who kept courting her was really her dad, and her "real" father has been pulling distance for years because he couldn't deal with his wife's indiscretion. There's some Gilmore Girls-esque potential in the small town if they spend a little less time focusing on the differences between Yankees and the other folk.

The Secret Circle recycles Britt Robertson from last year's Life Unexpected, and throws a whole bunch of Charmed-ish witchery with some Twilight. There's six founding families (if you're getting whiffs of Vampire Diaries, you're not far off, its from the same producers), and each generation's got witches, (I'm guessing all these kids are only children to keep this idea less complicated). The witches form this coven, the circle, and Cassie seems to be the key and the most powerful . Cassie is lured to town to live with her grandma after her mom is killed in a violent magic fire, and it seems like some bad voodoo went down to kill her dad when she was infantile, forcing her mom to run in the first place. Cassie suddenly is told by the other kids she's a witch.
Here I must interject: the magic on this show has been super lame for starters, it was all manipulations of the elements, fire, water etc... But I'm hoping it will get better. The Charmed angle mostly came from feel, the house Casie lives in in very "manor"-esque: Tiffany lamps, dark paneling, fireplaces, cute porch, doting curly haired grandma.

As for the Twilight element- there was some definite running through woods, keeping supernatural elements a secret, the setting of Washington, and some longing stares from the brunette guy that had the whole crowd laughing. Cassie is destined to be with brunette guy, according to his drunk father, just like her mom was destined to be with this guy, before she chose Cassie's dad and apparently threw off fate. And Cassie is befriended by a mean girl, Faye, a selfish *itch, and a nice girl, Diana who is dating brunette guy, which will only lead to trouble. Ah, now here's the plot twist, the parents, who must have sworn off magic after some bad voodoo that killed Cassie's dad and others, they know their kids have discovered their coven. And Diana's dad and Faye's mom are up to no good and plan to use Cassie in their evil voodoo magic plan. Interest in the show- I'll watch episode 2, and begin to make Dawson's Creek connections!