Cop Fridays: Lies Beget Liars, No Matter How Pretty

Gif from Tumblr

     Dear Jesus, someone in the town of Rosewood is finally making sense! Of course it's not the Pretty Little Liars, but it's Spencer's mom, Veronica Hastings. This time and she is on the nose here. She announced she is putting the family home on the market. Veronica simply said,  "Severing ties with this town would be healthy, for all of us." I'm slapping a palm to my face and yelling duh at the top of my lungs. This town is toxic to all of the characters in this show, except Mona, who has nine lives.  Poor Spencer discovered in last week's spring premiere that Veronica is not her biological mother. Somehow, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom, giving us Jason DeLaurentis. Then, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom's twin sister, Mary Drake, which brought us Spencer. Spencer and Alison, by my account, are now cousins that share a brother and Spencer's half-brother is Alison's adopted brother, who became a girl (it's deeply socially confusing and a bit backwoods). This revelation came as part of the super creepy "Liars Lane" game that was left for the 5 girls. This creepily customized board game sends clues and tasks via a cell phone, like regular A with the added bonus of a scale model of the girls and their town. Overall, it's less involved than making masks of their faces or re-creating their bedrooms in an underground dollhouse, but still creepy as hell .Do they choose to report the game to the police? Of course not, because they think it would self-destruct before the detectives could even get a look at it. This is one the reasons I can't watch horror movies, I can't believe the characters would be so dumb. As explained in the Cosmo PLL oral history, members of the production staff made a jar and every time someone asked  a logical question (why is she running in heels?? Did the lairs even go to school today?) they had to surrender then door and surrender their disbelief.

The Rosewood Church (c) PipPepPop

     Spencer is now in desperate need to find her mother, who gave birth to her in a mental institution. This is the same institution that Spencer checked in herself for a number of ailments (she went full Jessie Spanno). In short, keeping all these secrets caused Spencer to have a breakdown. Who can blame her, her sister married a psycho who nearly killed Emily before falling off the top of a church. Spencer is also the same girl that blacked out part of the night Alison went missing and realized she tried to bludgeon the girl in the head with a field hockey stick (before they knew they were related). EW!  At the end of the day, Spencer pulled herself together and made it through college.  Adult Spencer devoted her life to her (fake) mother's political aspirations, and spiraled into a somewhat destructive relationship with her best friend Hanna's ex, Caleb. She also stalked her ex, Toby, and his new girlfriend turned baby mama turned fiance. Poor Yvonne is in a coma now after she and Toby  hit a deer with their car (the first non-human hit by a car in this show). The whole messy situation was complicated by Yvonne's mom running for the position Spencer's mom eventually won. Poor Toby was in the middle. Let's also take a moment to remember Toby became a police officer. Was he that good? Well, he didn't get murdered, and I'm 90% sure he never murdered anyone, so in this town that's pretty good.

Image from Giphy

     What is Spencer up to now? She's actually talking to the police about finding Mary, and her recent shooting. We were told by the detective that  out likely Uber A (Blind Jenna) did not shoot Spencer because the ballistics didn't match. This could only mean that Mary shot her own child. She must have been trying to send Spencer a message, unless there was yet another person lurking in the school for the blind when the liars went there to confront the now dead Noel Kahn. At least Spencer is reaching out to a detective!

Rosewood town hall.
(c) PipPepPop

     Here's a roundup of the other potentially legal drama in town. Hannah was designing dresses for a political socialite and Blind Jenna was seen wearing an identical dress. Suddenly the front page of the post claimed Hannah stole the design. This is important to note: Jenna is still bind (or so we think) and her two bodyguards were also blind with sunglasses. It was like she was flanked by the men in black.They also went to a meeting on the "dicey" side of town, which was indicated by a shoe repair shop and a bail bondsman.

     Emily is working at her old school as a swim coach, and trying to help Alison with a situation (see below). Of course, Emily's ex Paige is jealous, and all 3 women work at the same school. This time, Alison doesn't self-destruct; Paige previously lost her mind at a staff meeting. Even A isn't involved in this scandal, it's all in the hands of a whiny teen swimmer. She is a min-Alison, skipping practice and punishing Emily when she got punished. This chick (I'll call her A-minus) shows photos of Emily and Alison hugging during school and alleges some inappropriate conduct with students. Hey, maybe this girl  who would have been 9 when the drama started is the Uber A! Maybe she's another sister of Alison! Clearly, stranger things have happened. Speaking of Alison and stranger things, she is still moping after discovering she is pregnant with her psycho husband's baby. The good news is that the girls killed Alison's kidnapping and embezzling husband. The bad news is that the cops still think he skipped town and fled to Europe. Alison won't tell her other friends about the demon seed, creating a rift between Emily and the other,s like before Ali died. The question I can't figure out is what is Alison's deal? Is she interested in men and women? Does she just like toying with Emily? Will she make a decision about keeping the baby? Will she befall the same fate as her aunt and have this kid in a mental asylum? I don't know, but if I had my way, this baby would be Uber A!

Alison's House / Seaver home-
 Growing Pains (c) PipPepPop

     Finally we wrap-up with Aria. She may or may not still have a job. I'm unclear if she and her fiance Ezra finished writing their novelization about he and his ex-girlfriend getting kidnapped as relief workers. (Yes, this happened, just give in a dollar). Ezra left town because the ex, Nicole, was discovered still alive, and he's spent most of these two episodes in New York with her family trying to help her. Poor Aria feels like she can't even bask in her engagement  (to her former high school teacher) because the news is covering Nicole's story, celebrating the reunited couple (of Ezra and Nicole). Aria ran into a cute, childhood friend, who works for his sister's wedding planning business. Surprise, she's spending all this time with him, and her response to every question is "I don't know what Ezra wants." This is the most truthful thing I've heard in these two new episodes. Maybe it's finally clear that Aria and Ezra do not belong together. The law may not be keeping them apart any more, but they have irreconcilable differences.

{The most interesting thing I learned about filming on the WB studio tour is that every set (inside and exteriors) is dressed daily the the set decorators and teams, down to the signs and knobs}. Please enjoy PLL set photos from the WB studio tour! 

PREDICTIONS:

• I'm still convinced everyone in the town is in on this and they are all "A."
• Aria and Spencer's dads are going to start a creepy dad band.
• Hannah will stop wearing grungy sweats if she wants to be a fashion designer. 
• Spencer will confront her real mother.
• We will never see Spencer's sister or Jason again .
• (because they cannot handle this weird family dynamic) 
• Jenna will get her sight/ we find out she got it back a long time ago.
• Spencer and Toby will get back together.

The One: The Backstreet Boys Residency in Las Vegas

At TRL, 2000 for the Backstreet Boys
(c) PipPepPop

  Some people go to a concert once a year. Some go to a concert a couple of times a year. Other people get in the car and drive somewhere  to see their favorite band. I hopped a plane to Las Vegas to see The Backstreet Boys, and I'm so glad I did it! I came, I saw, and I rocked my body right at the Axis at Planet Hollywood on St. Patrick's Day. Today is BSB's 24th anniversary, according to the timeline on their website and social media channels. On this day, Brian officially had joined the band and cemented their place in history.

 

(c) PipPepPop

     I began my BSB journey back in 1998. I was a 4th grader and I was obsessed with the song Quit Playing Games with My Heart. I still may be obsessed because that song rocked at the concert. While the audience was in no danger of getting carded, the crowd around me swayed and screamed like a bunch of teenagers. My friend gave me a shrug when the girl next to us yelled "The Call! That's my JAM! That's my song!" **

     The BSB has been a part of the cultural zeitgeist for well over 20 years now. They ruled the pop charts and MTV's video-heavy Total Request Live countdown show. In a related note, live shows like this are getting new life later this year. I want it that way is consistently on the top song lists. Rolling Stone's list of top boy band songs of all time (including acts like the Jackson 5 and the Monkees) ranked the 1999 classic, I Want it That Way, as its 5th entry. While they're never taken home the coveted Grammy award (7 time nominees), they have won countless fan awards such as MTV Video Music Awards, Billboard Awards, Kids Choice Awards and Teen Choice Awards. They're also left us pondering what exactly it means to "want it that way" or why the "loneliness is tragical." As of early April, BSB proved they still have it. They were back, taking the stage at the ACM Awards  with friends Florida Georgia Line. The septet performed their new single, God, Your Mama and Me and everyone enjoyed it. Then they music changed and all 7 guys launched into Everybody (Backstreet's Back) complete with dance moves. I have never seen Tim McGraw so into a performance before. He and his wife Faith were like a young Taylor Swift, dancing and singing in the front row.

A Vegas Take on Suits. (c) PipPepPop

     The concert was filled with memories. Nearly all of the songs from the self-titled Backstreet Boys album were played, even forgotten favorites like Darlin' (with Kevin's sexy talking intro) and uplifting ballad, Anywhere for You. We were dancing in our seats during the Euro-pop hit, Get Down, which lends itself to AJ's bad-ass rap portion. There was a heavy amount of dancing in the show, and it was more impressive than all the other BSB concerts I've seen combined (6 or 7), with the possible exception of NKOTBSB. The "chair dance" from As Long as You Love Me was perfection.  There were fedoras present during the mid-tempo ballad, All I Have to Give. The songs from Millennium and Black and Blue were represented, bringing the boys and their 10 dancers together for driving dance tunes like Larger Than Life, The Call and the not heard enough Get Another Boyfriend. , and subduing the crowd with sweet songs like Drowning and Incomplete. The only song from the non-Kevin years performed was the heartbreaking and haunting song, Undone. I have been listening to this non-stop. The show concluded with Everybody (Backstreet's Back), which you can find following the below link to you Youtube channel. We made some new memories that night and I will not soon forget this show.

At the show, 2017
(c) PipPepPop

** The reason I found this comment to be disturbing is that The Call is a song about cheating, and she screamed this directly in her boyfriend's face.

Read more reviews of the show on Ticketmaster. Mine is in there somewhere.
Read the Billboard.com review of the show.
See more of my concert footage on Youtube.

Same Stars Hollow, Different Gilmores

(c) PipPepPop
X-mas present- Luke's shirt

     I watched the Netflix original revival Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life  5 months ago. I have written about it for days at a time. I have lost a little bit of sleep over it. I have read all of the fan theories.  I have had endless conversations with my mom, out of the blue, about the final 4 words. TV critic Michael Ausiello loved the ending. I differ in opinion. We do both agree the show reached a natural conclusion (see below) that a 2nd season would be overkill. It would take away from this gift season. We both agree that the story reached a natural conclusion, as I will outline below. In brief, I didn't love it. While I (and apparently Rory herself) didn't hate it, but I'm somewhere in the middle. One thing is clear, all 3 generations of Gilmore Girls are going through some growing pains, as seen in the trailer.



    At least I am relieved not hear  "Who is Rory (Alexis Bledel) going to end up with? theories anymore. This issue was resolved in a way, but also not resolved. On an episode of "The Shipping Room"podcast, Will Choi (co-host of another podcast with Gilmore Girls actress Keiko Agnea) remarked that Rory should choose books! I'd be happy if Rory would choose something, a home, a career etc... While there was closure to her relationship with Dean (Jared Padadecki), she had odd interactions with Jess and Logan. I was originally on "Team Dean" back when I had my first Baby-G watch like Rory. Once that ship sailed (and Dean cheated on his wife with Rory), it was time to move on. I always disliked Jess. He is rude. Despite his emotional growth (off-screen) in the later seasons, he is not right for Rory. People have called him the Luke of this relationship, but I feel like he is more of a young Christopher. Jess knows Rory so well, but in the long-term they're not compatible. Maybe it's due to timing, but they're never been in the same place emotionally at the same time. In the words of Joey Tribbani, it's a moo point.

Rory lamenting to Jess about Logan
Gif from Celebuzz

     I have a severe problem with Jess and Rory being together and Lorelei and Luke being together. The only relationship I dislike more than this on the show (and I really love the townspeople and their quirky relationships like Babette and Morty) is Lane and Zach. All I'm going to say about them is that I feel bad for Lane. She's trapped (my opinion but I'm not alone)  in a marriage with Zach and they have twin boys and she just didn't measure up to her greatest potential. I blame Dave Rygalski's (Adam Brody) leaving in season 3 for all of it. But, let's get back to the potential kissing cousins. (SPOILER- Lorelei and Luke got married, and with their marriage, Rory and Jess (Milo Ventimiglia) are cousins. Jess's uncle married Rory's mom and they're cousins through marriage. The two couples being together would be some serious backwoods stuff. IT'S CREEPY!! They cannot date without a whole lot of weirdness, if they were to ever date again. It's already been weird enough having a family dinner with Emily, Lorelei, Rory and Luke. If we throw Jess in there, it's going to go from a Neil Simon play to a Chekhov play. This is another reason I'm on team Logan.

     I have a lot of problems with present Rory as a character. She is extremely entitled most Yale grads. Old Rory never smelled of privilege, always remaining humble and classy. There is a complete lack of responsibility for present Rory. She's unmotivated and she doesn't want to get a real job like any other respectable 30+ year old. In sharp contrast to this, Lorelei at the same age was working full time, dating, working on her relationship with her parents, and raising a teenager. I'll get to her in a bit, though. Where did she go wrong with Rory? Rory went to great schools and had amazing opportunities. She wrote one amazing article a ways back, and the only gainful employment she can muster up is to be the unpaid editor of the local town paper. She blows her meeting with Conde Nast, as well as her interview with website Sandee Says. Rory expects that Sandee will hand her a desk. ll she prepares is her lucky outfit, which she spends months looking for in various cities. Rory cannot find any of her clothes because they are in NYC with Paris, in Stars Hollow with mom or with Lane, at her grandmother's in Connecticut, and in London with Logan. I'm all for living a multi-city life, but Rory is literally running from one town to another. She is throwing up major flares,  making a desperate attempt not to put down roots. It's downright embarrassing.

     In a long list of embarrassing things Rory is doing, she is still sleeping with Logan Huntsberger (Matt Czuchry). I may be on team Logan, but it's got it's flaws. Rory and Logan are not in a relationship. She has a oft-forgot (and joked to death) boyfriend, Paul.  He seems like a nice guy, so he is clearly wrong fro Rory. She doesn't deserve a nice guy. Logan has an absent fiancee and is based out of London. When Rory is there, they adapt a French casual "what happens in London stays in London" attitude. Give me a break! Does Rory have so little self-respect that she would continue shacking up her playboy college boyfriend? Maybe you do this for a couple of years in your early 20's and you convince yourself it's NBD. Now it's just pathetic. Logan still calls her "Ace" like they're in a 1940's detective movie. It's wrong. as much as I want to hate him, they're equally to blame for this bad behavior. Logan's parents never thought highly of Rory, despite her attending the best schools in Connecticut and being the granddaughter of the Hartford Gilmores. Mr. Huntsberger offered Rory a job on his newspaper in college,  warning that she might not be able to cut it as a reporter. It's almost as if he had a crystal ball, because she seems to really suck at it now. When researching lines in NYC, Rory fell asleep, ditched her mom in line, and slept with a guy dressed like Chewbacca.

Gif from Buzzfeed

     Rory was always hungry for knowledge, strong-willed and optimistic, but her greatest accomplishment in the first two episodes was sleeping with a guy in a Wookie (yes, a Chewbacca) costume while researching a story about lines. Which brings us to the final four words: "Mom, I'm pregnant." Rory ended up in the same spot as her mom, an unwed mother with an unsettled life. But as mentioned before, Lorelei pushed away her boyfriend Christopher. She got a job and supported a child without help from her parents. She was strong enough to raise a kid by herself. I'm not sure Rory can handle it. She's been coddled most of her life, and everyone is telling her how great she is. Logan and his merry band of Life-and-Death Brigade buddies were bid a fond farewell by Rory. It seems clear she doesn't want him involved in the child's life. Let's push aside all of the crazy theories (it's the Wookie's baby, it's Jess's baby, it's Luke and Lorelei's surrogate baby) and face some cold hard facts. This had to be Logan's baby and after talking to her dad, Rory seemed convinced she could do this alone.  Rory now has to make some choices. She needs in this order: a steady job, a permanent home, and a partner.

     Compared to per best buddy Paris (MD, JD and mother of 2), Rory is a fast food employee. At Chilton career day, Rory was offered a teaching position by the headmaster. I think that was a perfect option, but Rory shrugged it off. It would mean going back to school for a masters, and we know Rory is allergic to responsibility. Rory seemed skilled enough to excite her teenage charges, and she really thrived when she went to Chilton. They all thought she walked on water when she went there. In comparison, Paris Gellar McMaster (Liza Weil) is falling apart at career day. She may have peaked too soon and passed her mania about the real world to the Chilton students. Paris had it all, but her kids were a little uptight and being raised by a nanny they may love more than mom. Paris seems dangerously close to turning into her own absentee parents.  The only thing working against the nanny is that she hated the 5 flights of stairs in their brownstone. Paris is also on the brink of divorce with her husband Doyle, who sold a screenplay and became a West Coast duchebag. Nobody is perfect, but Paris represents a completely different take on the 30-something life than Rory.

Image from Tumblr

I'm going to switch gears to discuss the aforementioned Lorelei (nee Gilmore) Danes. We pick up with her and  Luke where we left them 8 years ago, just hanging out. They're in their late 40's and they don't want to be married. they don't want a baby (After Paris's scary fertility clinic pitch, it's clear they don't want to raise a baby together either. A third option they also turn down is Emily's offer to pay to expand  Luke's small hometown diner. This almost ends their relationship because Luke keeps the offer a secret from Lorelei. The couple reverts back to the same communication problems they had the last time, together but they're not committed, feeling things, but not sharing them with their partner. We also can all admit that it's taken years for Luke to get over his gruff old-man way of communicating with people (still giving out a fake Wifi password for the diner to people that linger like it's Starbucks). So they're chugging along with their quiet life in Stars Hollow, attending town meetings, movie nights, and the occasional secret speakeasy. With the passing of Lorelei's beloved father Richard, she begins to reassess their situation. Lorelei selfishly lashes out at her mom, Rory and "her guy" about the stupidest things, refusing to let Rory write a book about their life as a mother-daughter duo.  Both members of the couple are restless in this current state, both scaredy cats, for lack of a better word (thanks Rugrats) to pull the trigger and make a commitment.
 
     What's going to give them pair a push to move on? I had to remind myself the pair were engaged once before.  Lorelei reminded us they both have taken the plunge (she with Christopher and he with Nicole) with other people. It didn't last for either couple. Are they so emotionally damaged that they can't function? No, I think the problem is rooted in each of their fears. Lorelei loves so openly and freely that love seems to scare her. Her parents never seems to return her affection, and people always leave. Her best friend Sookie (Melissa McCarthy) went away for a short class and ditched her husband and kids to study roots in Vermont. What kind of friend and business partner does that? Lorelei is trapped professionally too. She has to keep breaking in new chefs at the Inn, and the threat of her front desk manager Michele leaving is all too real. She couldn't expand the inn, but they desperately needed more space so they could continue to do business. If she could raise the money to buy an abandoned convent (just go with it), she could expand the inn and do something professionally stimulating.

     On a "Wild" themed hiking trip, Lorelei remembered a story about her dad. She never shared it at the funeral, and it almost ruined her relationship with Emily. She calls her mom to share the story, and in that moment, Lorelei realized her dad did love her. She's ready to move forward with Luke and she knows that love is real. She needs that official recognition of them as a couple and she even wants to have the same love her parents had.  She finally makes peace with Emily,and I think this is the crucial step for Lorelei to move forward. It takes the breakthrough about her dad to give Lorelei the courage to ask her mother for a loan. She promises more Friday night dinners with her and Luke in exchange for the money to buy the convent. In the end, like the beginning, the Gilmores take a small step toward being a family.

     On the other hand, Luke is still working on trying to verbally identify his feelings. They have to meet in the middle to progress. As an example, Lorelei offers Luke money for his daughter April's summer trip to Europe and he turns her down. He hasn't reached that level of their relationship that it's okay to share stuff, money, kids etc..  In the past, he shut out Lorelei from getting to know his daughter, which drove a wedge between them. It takes several encounters with Emily to make Luke (a) extremely uncomfortable and (b) desperate to make Lorelei happy. He may never be Mr. Happy, but he can handle being Mr. dinner with the in-laws.

Emily talking smack. Gif from Celebuzz.

     Emily (Kelly Bishop) is the final Gilmore Girl and had the most dramatic journey of the series. She commented when Richard had one of his heart attacks that she only knew how to be Richard Gilmore's wife. While she was not as stuffy as Richard's mother, her place was clearly established from the day she said "I do." It was full of work dinners, yelling at the maids, galas, DAR meetings, garden clubs and grand European vacations. She may have come from a plain background like Rory, but Emily became someone who mattered. She became so self-important she was downright rude. She definitely could have gone easier on Lorelei as a kid. That could have changed a lot of things. When Richard passed away, Emily was lost. She lashed out at Lorelei way more than she should have, but she literally didn't know what to do because she had been operating the same way for over 50 years. I was so satisfied when Emily told off the DAR after they humored a trophy wife with an interview. She used her tenacity to finally stick it to people that deserved it for once, instead of the maids, the caterers, and her family.

     I was heartened to see Emily trying to find her bliss, which seems be be working as a museum guide at a whaling museum. Emily's little cottage up in Rhode Island was adorable. She seemed at home for once, surrounded by her maid's various family members and children. Emily even seemed to find a companion in Richard's old friend, Jack Smith (Ray Wise).  This seemed to be brewing as early as Richard's funeral (they move fast here), Jack was there to lend a shoulder, and Emily was not quite interested at the time. This really set of Lorelei and led to the rift-inciting bad funeral story. I'm not saying they need to marry again, but she found someone to  keep her company.  Emily almost didn't need Jack. It was gratifying to see her passing off his briefcase and shooing him away from the cottage when he had to unexpectedly to go back to work. The only thing I cannot wrap my head around is how Lorelei could decide to get married the night before the wedding (because she was so excited/nervous). There was no way Emily could make it there in time from Rhode Island, and I think that was the idea. I also think it was insensitive. Emily has had one hope in her motherly bones, and it's to marry off her daughter to a nice man. It finally was about to happen and she was sitting at home, drinking wine. I'm going to assume Rory, Michele, Kirk, Lane and the town reverend pretended it didn't happen, and woke up the next day to do it all over again. The end!

Cop Fridays: Riverdale's 'Sins of the Father' with a Dark Millennial Twist

     First of all, Riverdale is a very spooky town. It's reminiscent of the 90's, a classic, timeless small town where everyone's parents went to school together. This is an increasingly important part of the plot. I love the relationships between the teens, but their parents have some uncomfortable history, See below) and everyone knows everyone's business. It could easily be Forks, Washington (Twilight) or the elusive but about to return) Twin Peaks, Washington. It's definitely in the pacific northwest because these pasty kids need some sunlight. Even on the sunny July 4th of Jason Blossom's disappearance, a slow fog and chill linger by the river.

     It's Jason's mysterious disappearance and eventual murder that kick up unrest in the town. Sheriff Keller is doing his best with his murder board, but he is out of his depth. Somehow teens Betty Cooper and 'Jughead' Jones (why the name?) are lapping him on mystery solving. All-American gal Betty (Lili Reinhart)  has a stake in the matter. Her sister Polly was dumped abruptly by Jason and sent away for a supposed breakdown. Of course, we discover Polly was sent away like it's 1960 because she's  pregnant with Jason's child. To briefly unpack this Romeo and Juliet scene, The Coopers are tightly wound investigative journalists (at the last non-online newspaper on earth) and the blossoms are old money rich from their maple syrup company. Back int he days of their great grandparents, Mr. Cooper and Mr. Blossom had a falling out and now they must never be friendly! Meanwhile Mrs. Cooper (Madchen Amick, formerly of Twin peaks) manipulates Betty, trying to keep her from crossing over to some unknown dark side.  We saw flashes when she dressed like a hooker and tried to boil the football captain in a hot tub. Betty just wants everyone to get along, but her Scooby gang hi-jinks have been bringing her closer to danger.

     Speaking of danger, Betty's new boyfriend and longtime friend Jughead (Cole Sprouse) is from the wrong side of the tracks.  His dad is an unemployed alcoholic and his mom ran off with his little sister. He spent time living and working at the drive in before it was sold to a mysterious buyer. Now poor Juggy has found some solace. His best pal Archie's dad invited him to crash with them, and Jughead seems to have found stability. His poetic lamenting is a bit much for me, it's goth Dawson-esque and not at all attractive. I wonder why people are friends with him, but I guess he's there to lend an ear. This week, Betty (the less damaged version of Joey Potter) threatened  Jughead's happiness by throwing a party for his birthday, which was crashed by the whole school. She also invited his dad, and in a very un-Dawson like matter, they did not come back together and wipe each other's tears away. Another important note about Jughead's dad (Skeet Ulrich) is that he;s the president of a rough and tumble biker gang, the Southside Serpents. This might have led to his wife taking off. The serpents are responsible for several unseemly things in town, shaking down people for payments, and  possible gay bashing. When the party broke up, Mr. Jones leered at Mrs. Cooper, suggesting they had a thing back in high school. This was too disgusting for words because THEIR KIDS ARE DATING!

     Let's get back to the murder at hand. My first guess was that Jason was murdered by his twin sister, Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch). Cheryl is the typical rich girl, cheer captain, queen Bee, and resident town insultress. But Cheryl has a soft spot for her twin. She was too attached to him from the first minute. The pair went out or an early morning boat row and he alleged downed trying to pull her glove put of the current. This was a lie. Cheryl (like mean girl Abby on Dawson) was covering for Jason so he could run away with Polly. His parents are typically cold and distant, but their grandmother supposed Jason and Polly's romance, offering him her engagement ring. But she had no idea about the baby. Polly explained to her sister that she went to Jason and he never showed up, she thought he chickened out. So we're thinking Cheryl is very sweet, helping her brother sneak off with his forbidden love. I (of the dark mistrust) intermediately thought Cheryl was jealous of Polly and murdered Jason so nobody could have him. At the party this week, a dangerous game of truth or dare led Veronica to accuse Cheryl of twincest. I completely agree with this theory, but it seems a bit too obvious when the characters confirm it.

     As the new girl in town, Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes) has her own secrets. The New Yorker (Jen Linley much?)  in a small town shifts back and forth between rivals and friends with Cheryl, and instantly bonds with Betty. The tow are ironically known as fighting over football star Archie Andrews, but here it seems like their girl-mance is more important. Betty was classically in love with Archie, confessing to him after he kissed veronica at a party. Brokenhearted Betty finally moved on, and Archie seems to be "totes kewl" with his two best friends dating. Is yesterday's episode, the house party for Jughead's birthday ended with Archie (KJ Apa's) and Veronica's less than innocent sleepover. This came on the heels of Archie being dumped by Valerie. As much chemistry as the pair have together, their relationship is very icky because their parents used to date, and may be dating again The pair recently started working together and were caught making out several times. This is truly a Riverdale scandal because Mr. Andrews (Luke Perry) is still married (the estranged wife moved to Chicago) and Mrs. Lodge's husband is in jail for a Madoff-like scene. Then Mrs. Lodge got the movie theater land for the Lodge company (on the D.L) and fired Andrews's construction group to run the demolition. There are at least 10 major laws broken in this business deal. It's possible Jason's death is tied to Mr. Bloom bringing down Hiram 'Daddy' Loge's company, but it's too soon to tell.

     Finally, let's discuss Archie, the golden boy of town. He became the new quarterback when Jason Bloom died. Let's hold out horses, I don't think Archie had anything to do with the murder, but he certainly hindered the investigation. Archie was busy banging his music teacher (eww, please teens and teachers should not be having affairs because its icky)  in the woods on the morning Jason was shot. It took some time to tease it out, but everyone found out about Archie and Miss Grundy (Pacey), and Miss Grundy was sent packing. Archie  seems despite his misguided love interest, to be a nice kid. I still am a little surprised that all the girls are throwing themselves at him. In the span of a few weeks, it's been Betty, Miss Grundy, Veronica, Miss Grundy again, Valerie and Cheryl. They are all trying to get in his pants. Only one has succeeded, as it looks like Archie and Veronica made out and slept in separate beds. This poor kid is still reeling from his parent's split, but he may soon get some closure. The last moment of the episode ended with Archie's dad coming back from Chicago with his mom, played by Miss Molly Ringwald.

*The parental relationships are a new level on this show. Usually  on a teen drama, there's a few parents and some sort of love triangle or a couple going through a difficult time. Now we're seeing tons of the generation X drama, which I love. I want to see the parents and their relationships and work drama,  but it just seems like a toxic level of towncest here. I wrote myself a note that said: This town is full of creepy creeping. The level of rivalries and incest present in the parental generation of the town downright revolting.




http://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2017/03/23/teen-drama-tv-darker-ever/

Scandal: I Choose Jam in Vermont

President Fitz and Olivia Pope
Image from Easymemes.com

     I am always in favor of a bizarre alternate reality episode of my favorite shows. Tonight's 100th episode of Scandal delivered  a great sideways reality. This is one of those episodes where all of the characters made different choices, but still end up coming back to the same situations.  We begin with Olivia (Kerry Washington) and Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) arguing about what to do with the group that fixed the election. This gang has already been indirectly responsible for the murders of Olivia's dad's girlfriend, some prison guards, President-elect Frankie Vargas (Ricardo Chavira) and his aide Jennifer, and the near-murder of Huck. This group also has manipulated Attorney General David Rosen (Josh Malina), imprisoned VP-elect Cyrus Beene (Jeff Perry), and took whatever was left of White House Chief of Staff Abby Whelan's (Darby Stanchfield) dignity. Fitz wants to take action, to make his ex-wife (the other presidential candidate) Mellie into the next president. Olivia feels conflicted because eight years ago, she helped make Fitz president through lies, deception, and a faulty voting machine in Defiance, Ohio. Oliva thinks back to the night when she and the dream team voted for Fitz's future. Each member of the team was promised something for their contribution. For Mellie (Bellamy Young), it was to be the first lady, and for Olivia (having a secret affair with Fitz), it was a top job in the White House. Cyrus would become the Chief of Staff, and Verna a Supreme Court justice. Finally, the brains of the operation, oil tycoon Hollis Doyle, requested the government grant him favors as needed.

     We go back to 2010, where Olivia turns down the pact to commit voter fraud in Defiance. With this change to the timeline, Fitz loses the presidency and leaves Mellie to be with Olivia. The two are happy, marrying in a beautiful ceremony a few months later. A blushing Olivia is given away by Huck, her less socially evolved co-worker. Maid of Honor Abby makes eyes at David Rosen, and it seems like they might have an honest shot at a relationship in this world. Olivia jumps into lobbying for gun reform with Marcus and Abby  in what I suppose is a less sophisticated version of Pope and Associates in a dingy storefront.

Mellie Grant- Paste Magazine Meme

     Meanwhile, Mellie wallows and commiserates with Cyrus, who marries her to further both of their careers.  Cyrus eventually gets the idea to make Mellie run for president in the next election, but once again, it seems like he's pushing a candidate to fuel his own need for power. Did Mellie really not realize Cyrus was in love with men, or was she choosing again to look the other way? In this reality, Cyrus and James did not get married and Cyrus stayed in the closet. It's upsetting, but at least James wasn't murdered by B-613 in this reality. Speaking of those lovable secret ops, Olivia's dad (aka "Command") seems to still be in charge of the organization, but he's not ordering tons of murders in this timeline. Because Olivia is not close to the White House, her dad never came back into her life. He watches the wedding from the back of the church. Speaking of murders (which we always speak of when it comes to this show), Quinn never had to become Quinn. Since her boyfriend didn't work at the company of the voter rigging software, the building didn't blow up, and Lindsay was never wrongly blamed for the explosion. She didn't need an alternate identity or to start life over in D.C., so she makes the rounds of celebrity dating shows. I loved this twist the most!

     Instead of talking about moving to Vermont and making jam, Fitz and Olivia falter. The two had nothing to overcome except Mellie's vitriol. Still, their love wasn't smooth sailing. Olivia was still  wrapped up in her work, and Fitz was still a bit checked out, looking for the next thing. He almost got together with slutty Quinn/Lindsay (Katie Lowes)!  As the preeminent political talk show host (no Liberty report in this reality), he lacked the sexy power and authority of the president. Poor Olivia had no friends in the White House and waited all day to get a meeting with President Reston, only to be told her bill was going nowhere and their meeting was a mistake. In the end, Mellie still came to Olivia about her campaign. In this reality, there is no baby Teddy Grant, no audio of the President bedding someone in the office,  and no sniper murder of Fitz and Mellie's eldest son/brother? (still not clear), Jerry III. There is also no Olivia/Fitz /Jake love triangle. Fitz never had Jake NSA-style spy on Olivia because they are actually together. With him not being president,t there's also a lot less shady stuff (kidnapped by the VP) going on around the gang. So did Olivia and Fitz have kids? No, not yet. By the end, they agreed to buy a townhouse together in an attempt to really make their lives together as one.

     The episode ends with Olivia having a weird flashback face. She goes up to Fitz and say "I'm in." Is she in for their future? Is she in to make Mellie the next president? Is she in to bring down the organization that has even  her own menacing father scared? Is she in for a double Gettysburger? Maybe it's all of the above.

The ACM Awards: Like the High School of Country Music

Imgur GIF from "Not Another Teen Movie" 

   Sometimes the adult world feels a lot like high school. Award shows are no exception to this rule. Tonight we're exploring the stars of the Academy of Country Music Awards (ACMs) and comparing them to characters from teen shows and movies. Get those tropes ready, we're going to see them in full force. Consult the below dictionary for you favorite country star. * These titles are all bestowed with Love!


Brett Eldredge
A true showman who, will run rhoguh the audience and serenade showgirls during his song.  Brett has the soulful eyes of a heart breaker and the deep emotions of a guy that will do anything for love. Character: Patrick  (Heath Ledger) from 10 Things I Hate About You

Brothers Osborne
I love brothers Osborne. They have a great album of songs that are great for chilling, like Rum. They have a great band energy as well because they're brothers. I'm bestowing on them a double teen movie honor: best bad comprised of the same guys in multiple movies. In Can't Hardly Wait, both Breckin Meyer and Donald Faison are in the band playing at the big party. In Josie and the Pussycats, the same two are in the boy band DuJour, along with CHW cast member Seth Green. I love that there is an unofficial band reunion for these guys in multiple movies!

Carrie Underwood
Carrie is one of America's literal idols. She sings sweetly, but if you get on her bad side, she's going to bash in your car (Before He Cheats) or possible murder you with poison (Church Bells). Part of me really wanted to bring Carrie together with vengeance demon Anya (Emma Caufield) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I considered it again, and Anya starts out as a villain and becomes endearing to the audience (fear of bunnies and all). But Carrie is on another level, so I have selected Rebecca Bunch from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Rachel Bloom's Rebecca charms us with every song she sings, even if she's plotting unspeakable revenge. She says, "She's just a girl in love and can't be held responsible for her actions, (faking a pregnancy, faking a break-in, faking a relationship)  and the creepy Josh drawer that played The Entertainer.

Darius Rucker
I feel like Darius Rucker is the cool teacher in this scenario for a variety of reasons. He already had his first career as a touring pop band vocalist, then reinvented himself as a country star. Since then, he has won Grammys and become one of the most active members of the Grand Old Opry. His teacher spirit would be like Mr. Turner (Anthony Tyler Quinn) on Boy Meets World.

Dierks Bentley
He's always up for helping out a buddy. Dierks performed his own song, sang with Cole Swindell and co-hosted the show with Luke Bryan. When does this guy sleep? When he's not getting Drunk on a Plane, Bentley is serenading his wife Katie in the sultry song Black. Dierks is a lot like Lucas Scott in One Tree Hill, a jack of all trades. Chad Michael Murray's Lucas plays varsity basketball, writes a novel, helps his mom run a cafe and later also a music venue, and manages to be everyone's best friend before gradating Tree Hill High.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
They just put a new duet out this week, and they've been been married for 21 years. The McGraw-Hill group's (publishing joke) idea of a good family adventure is going out on tour for a year together. These two are just like Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) and Sloane Peterson (Mia Sara) from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Kelsea Ballerini
The girl next door that's starting to show her true feelings. Ballerini is the female vocalist of the year! Her cute and flirty songs like Dibs and  Yeah Boy reminds me of  Joey Potter ( Katie Holmes) singing All By Myself, knowing that she has feelings for Pacey on Dawson's Creek.

Jason Aldean
He's quite the opposite on stage from the persona in his party anthems. Aldean is a sensitive soul buried under a scowl and a wounded soul. He is the essence of the Friday Night Lights troubled footballer Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch), who falls in love with his paralyzed best friend's girlfriend.

Keith Urban 
As an Aussie, I would love to put Urban in the "cool foreign guy" category, but I would probably have to go back to Saved by the Bell to find a cool foreign guy. Scratch that, Screech once pretended to be a Russian chess player, so this category is not going to work. I think Urban is best suited as the cool actor guy, like Josh Duhmael's Tad in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. As soon as he shows up in a small town, all the girls are falling over him.

Kacey Musgraves
Mentioned for her nomination, but not shown during the show, Kacey is no stranger to being an outcast. She last won an ACM in 2014 for best album, The also nabbed countless wards and a Best New artist Grammy. Musgraves has lost a lot of radio support for just being herself. I love her desire not to be part of The Old Boy's Club and she has earned the title of Veronica Mars. Kristen Bell's likable loner was misunderstood by her peers, but she solved more mysteries than the town sheriff's department and she always got the last laugh.

Florida Georgia Line
FGL 's Tyler and Brian represent the bro-iest bros around. But they're definitely the little brother  in this situation looking for some camaraderie with their older brothers. FGL and the Backstreet Boys united together for their new single God, Your Mama and Me, then brought down the house with Backstreet's Back. Stay tuned this week for my review of #BSBVegas, because it was epic. I'm going to honor this southern brotherhood with the Brothers of Kappa Tau (honorable mention to Scott Michael Foster as leader Cappie) on the show Greek.

Little Big Town
This band represents the  rock-solid couple from freshman year. They are as sweet to each other as they are to everyone around them. They even show up in coordinated outfits, which looks great in their Group of the Year winner photo. I'm going to give them Murray (Donald Faison) and Dionne (Stacey Dash) from Clueless, minus the fighting.

Luke Bryan
Bryan is the All-American boy. He can sing, dance, host, cry, laugh, and pose with a Chippendale dancer all in the same night. Luke is well liked, but she is completely approachable. He has a huge heart, looking after his orphaned nieces and nephew. Luke is like Freddie Prinze Jr.'s Zack in She's All That. Everyone loves Zack as the soccer team captain, head of the class and student body president. He can look past the shy girl and see the hotness beneath. As a bonus, Zack's hackey sac performance art reminds me of Bryan's recent soul-bearing Tonight Show song about how to pronounce  the Greek delicacy Gyro.

Maren Morris
This girl's got edge, and I'm not just talking about her Joan Jett-inspired wavy bob and nose ring. He breakout single last year My Church likened Johnny Cash to a spiritual awakening. Her most recent hit 80's Merdeces is light and breezy. I think Morris is best repented by Oscar Winner Emma Stone's Olive in Easy A. She may seem pretty tough on the outside, but she's just a bit misunderstood and she runs with it.

Miranda Lambert
This album of the year winner wrote a double album about her divorce, titled "The Heart" and "The Nerve." She's no stranger to falling apart (Mama's Broken Heart, Vice), and she's trying to dig herself our of a hole from a very messy public divorce from Blake Shelton. She's a dark horse, a Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) in Gossip Girl. Stay on her good side, or you might find your house doused in Kerosene.

Old Dominion
Their addictive hit from last spring Break Up with Him was Back to the Future themed! This is just another teen drama fact. I'm going to classify these guys as Josie and the Pussycats (movie version) because they are always checking pop culture and other music in their songs, like in Song for Another Time.

Reba
Reba is the fairy godmother of country music. She looks down on everyone offering motherly advice, and now she sings gospel songs. I'm going to credit Reba as the wise Iona, played by Annie Potts in Pretty in Pink. Iona offered Andie guidance while she tried to work out her feelings for Blaine, although she should have stepped in when Andie created that monstrous pink prom dress.

Sam Hunt
Mr. Hunt has become well known for his sexy sing/talk mix, called "sam hunting" by some radio DJ's. He wrote an album of  breakup songs about a girl, and now they're engaged. Tonight during his Body Like a Back Road, Hunt sat in the audience with his arm around Hanna Lee, serenading her as he described how well he knew her curves. Hunt is totally Dan Humphrey (Penn Bagley, aka Gossip Girl), who pines after Serena van der Woodsen for years. While publicly pursing Serena, Dan  almost destroys the lives of all their friends and family on their way to eventual marriage.

Taylor Swift
She's not at the awards in person tonight, but it's like she almost was there. She's like that girl that moved away to another school that you still think about. Even though she's off in a new scene, she's still sending songs like "Better Man" to Little Big Town, cinching their Group of the Year award win. I would say she is similar to Amy Jo Johnson's character Julie on Felicity. She became friends with Felicity, made the Felicity-Ben-Noel triangle into a rhombus, wrote some songs, and then split before college was over.

Thomas Rhett
This guy doesn't do anything halfway. He set the world record for largest twister game for the release of his 2015 Tangled Up album.  He sings that he would die a happy man just holding his wife Lauren's hand, then he announces his wife is having a baby and they're adopting a child from Africa. This family has been taken to another level! Rhett is the ultimate romantic, which is why he is the boombox guy,  Lloyd Dobbler (John Cusack) from Say Anything.