Welcome to the BH....

     As promised, I re-watched the first episode (of a 2-part premiere) of Beverly Hills, 90210 and have listed my unabashed thoughts below. Please note, I am seeing this after many years and using a  "I've seen too many 90's teen movies" lens.

Image from Quotesgram.com

Meet the Twins/
Entering West Beverly High: 
1. I immediately yelled Whoa Joey Lawrence! when I saw Brandon Walsh's hair.
2. Did I miss it, or did they explain that Brandon and Brenda are twins?
3. Why did they move there?
4. It sounds like Brandon was more popular than Brenda in Minneapolis. I'm sticking with this theory.
5. The opening credits: Why are the paparazzi with business suits? Do kids in BH really drive to school with surf boards in their cars? They're a bit far from the beach.
6. Locking your car remotely was a big deal in 1989.
7. Some girl is wearing a way too short mini skirt to school. Where are her parents?
8. Is there really a high school radio station playing everywhere? This explains She's All That.
9. This is the Buffy the Vampire Slayer school! Torrance, CA shout-out!
10. Why is Steve cool???? Why did Kelly date him? Was she that hideous before the nose job? 
11.Like the boys in the Gossip Girl pilot, Andrea takes the public bus to school. This means she is poor and the whole story will probably change in the next episode.
12. Did anyone sit at legitimate lab desks in high school? We had desks and a counter space ran the outside of the room facing the walls.
13. Is Spanish 2 entirely in Spanish? Even my college level French classes had English components.
14. Steve might be a racist to the Spanish teacher.
15. Newspaper too serious at this school.
16.  Andrea is wearing a men's double-breasted suit jacked instead of a blazer. Tragic!
17. They just went on about pool parties around the year and the cheerleader is wearing a long-sleeved sweater in California, in September.

The Parties:
18. This house party is the start of all my unrealistic expectations about high school.
19. Again, where are the parents?
20. Who has cater waiters at a teenag party?
21. David Silver is the patron saint of nerds: post Anthony Michael Hall and pre-Superbad) and he dressed like Duckie in Pretty in Pink. 
22. Steve has rape culture written all over his forehead fr the first few minutes.
23. I honestly think Steve had no possibly to be redeemed.
24. Steve is so lame, and also the jerky jock. How is this possible?
25. Brandon met the poor little rich girl. she seems to have two personalities (shy loner and throwing stuff in the pool) and I don't believe there will be any payoff to this relationship.
26. Drunk Steve being driven home by 14-year-old David just makes me mad.
27. Steve will not redeem himself. I hate him.
28. Kelly chalks ID's. It is the worst thing I've even seen and I once witnessed someone trying to chalk an ID.
29. Why does the Spanish teacher dance in the hall with headphones? Why is the principal interested? Why is the plot to Clueless showing up before Clueless is written?
30. What 15 or 16 year old is allowed to stay out util midnight? Even with parents, Brenda and Brandon  have way too much freedom.
31. This club looks like a Paula Abdul video people in mesh shirts or and tuxedos grinding on each other.
32. All the girls get turned away from the club except Brenda. This reminds me of The Baby Sitters Club movie where Stacey and Claudia go out with 17 year old Europeans and they are only 13. Thirteen!!
33. Only teenage girls order pineapple colada drinks in a non-tiki bar!!! Red flag, bartender lady!
34. This "nice guy" is a total liar. 

T.Swiz: A Study in Literal vs. Figurative Storytelling

     I just heard Taylor Swift's newest catchy single, New Romantics on the radio for the first time! I had some time to reflect in the car about how Ms. Swift's recent music videos have portrayed her epic songs. While older and typically country favorites like Love Story (a classic and literal "Romeo meets Juliet" at the ball theme) and You Belong With Me (pitting band geek Taylor against cheerleader Taylor), things from the 1989 album have taken storytelling up a notch. These are not just music videos, these are mini-movies in some cases and true works of art.

Shake it Off
LITERAL: This song sounds like it appears on  the screen. SIO is a big, fun dance party with a pounding brass line. Taylor appears as a ballerina awkwardly pirouetting, an Adidas jumpsuit-  wearing rapper, and her regular self in a cute black crop top and leggings (think Audrey Hepburn). What to all of these scenes have in common? Dancing and having a good time, which is really the whole point of the song. Yes, the haters are gonna hate, but let it go and dance your troubles away! Grade A

Blank Space
LITERAL: Taylor is in a mansion full of wonders (Unicorns), ornate hedges, long dinner tables, and her couture wardrobe is to die for. She invites a gentleman over to visit, and they enjoy long walks, horseback riding, dancing in a grand empty ballroom, riding bikes, picnics, and other sorts of "falling in Love" vignettes. I personally love the long list of ex-lovers, signified by a hallway of oil painting and Taylor is shown straightening out her newest portrait. Then begins "screaming, crying, a perfect storm," and the tables turn. Word to the wise, do not cross Taylor, she may drop you phone in a pond or cut holes in your shirts.
GRADE A+

Style
FIGURATIVE:  There's a cute guy, as always. He's having late night fever dreams about Taylor, remembering her at the beach, her with bare shoulders exposed (scandalous)! White t-shirt, check. Red lips, check. Driving in a car, check. James Dean-ish looking guy, check. Still , this story is largely experimental and has an 80's vibe. Lots of fade-ins and fade outs, mirrors, white billowing curtains with projected images, a lot of real artsy things. Also, this song was alleged to be written about Harry Styles (momentary EWWW).
GRADE B-

Bad Blood
IS FIGURATAL  a word? This song is remixed with Kendrick Lamar for the music video version, so let it be said I prefer the album cut of the song much better. The song poses Taylor as a movie-style action star kicking ass and taking names as she assembled a squad (mostly a whose who of models) to have a girl gang fight in a post-apocalyptic wasteland This may not be what actually caused bad blood (alleged with Katy Perry over as backup dancer)  but is certainly espouses the sentiment. Kendrick raps and plays some sort of Charlie's-angels-esque boss. Please also enjoy Tina Fey and Amy Pohler's SNL spoof about their own squad.
GRADE C+

Wildest Dreams
FIGURATIVE: Here, Taylor plays a movie star (with deep brown locks) with a "handsome as hell" co-star in a Casablanca-like desert setting. They have chemistry during filming and off-screen a steamy affair ensues,Of course, he appears at the movie premiere with his wife and Taylor is heartbroken. She leaves the premiere and he chases after her car, but it's too too late to change her mind. She catches him in the rear view mirror.  Does anyone remember Britney's Lucky? Something about this video reminded me of that. It also reminded me of the surprise ending of Dido's White Flag music video.
GRADE B+

Out of the Woods
FIGURATIVE: This song says "Are we out of the woods?" repeatedly, but the woods themselves are a construct, a state of mind, something only temporary,. Therefore, Taylor clawing her way out of muddy woods, getting chased by wolves, trapped in the snow in a flimsy dress with more wolves, etc... is the most figurative explanation of this story. The last words of the video: "She lost everything, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything" really drive this point home. It's all about the journey. A relationship, which may be terrible, can yield something positive. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
GRADE B