What am I Reading? - April 2021 - Turning the Tables

 

It started with a table flip, and ended with a ride home from a federal prison... I was very familiar with the story of Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice, a seemingly short-tempered, cash-flashing housewife. In Turning The Tables: From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again, we hear more of the nuance of the story, concluding at the time of her release from prison in 2016. A collection of old stories, musings, and journals let us into the inner psyche of the woman, whose husband, "Juicy Joe" left  to begin his own sentence at the beginning of her freedom

The most straining part of this story was to see two people that seemed like they used to be so in love, now so broken. When reading about their heartfelt calls and visits at the Danbury correctional center, when  compared to the reality of their draining separation, I felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. Granted, both have served prison sentences, lost parents, and Joe was deported back to Italy by ICE since he was technically an illegal immigrant as a child and never got a green card.  I really have to thank Co-author K.C, Baker for whatever she did for this book, which I suspect is turning it from half sentences and incorrectly used phrases, and making it easy for a human to understand. Watching her speak to her friends and family on TV can be a stressful experience if you like to hear people speaking the Queen's English, but I digress..., I now can see some shred of humanity to this woman that I hadn't seen before. She cares deeply for her friends, her kids, and her family. She also believes in the importance faith, fitness, and being a polite housemate. I think her time away taught her some humility and patience, which she was in short supply of up until that point. After all, she did almost black out in rage and flip over a table in the middle of a restaurant... As Countess Lu says, "Money can't buy you class."

via GIPHY

I give it a 4 out of 5! Minus a point for Juicy Joe, just as person. 

Love Notes: RHONY Season 12.1 - Bethenny Who?

I am now addicted to RHONY, also known as Real Housewives of New York. It's a sweet sweet panacea to see middle aged women drunk fighting with each other, crying over lost love, and generally making a mess... It's a blissful reminder of the "before" times. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the season 12 premiere:

Exchange between Sonja and Ramona:
R: "I thought your dog is dead...?"
S: "No he's alive and humping."

Tinsley:
"I won't cheers if you're not drinking alcohol!"

Dorinda:
"I'm the only one in this group that really knows how to throw a party."

Ramona:
I just want someone to love me again!!!!!

John the dry cleaner:
"Why are we having a party for Luann getting off probation? This happens to people all the time."

Leah:

• Last week, I got drunk and lost my channel bag and passport.
• William looks like the kind of guy where you have to say "what are you rubbing my thigh?"

BEST ACTION: Drag queen dances to Luann's single, "Feeling Jovani." 

Cop Fridays 1: Live PD

     I may have expressed an interest in cop shows in the past. I would say I'm a fan of some. I, however, have never been a fan of the live-action FOX show COPS, which has run for 29 seasons. I'm here to talk about Live: PD, an A&E show that takes COPS one step further, because it's Live. The program is hosted by ABC's Chief Legal Correspondent  Dan Abrams (catch him on Good Morning America) and he guides viewers through live Friday night feeds and pre-recorded ride-alongs in locations like Mission, TX, Calvert County, MD, Columbia, SC, and Tulsa, Oklahoma each week. Some weeks, the show is on The show is also on Saturday nights most weeks, which means 3-6 hours a weekend of live PD. The show's clear star is Officer Sticks, a member of he Tulsa PD Gang Unit. I had no idea until a few weeks ago that there are gangs in Oklahoma, it just didn't seem like that kind of place. But it absolutely is, and Officer Sticks is right in the think of it.

     At best case, the night is filled with traffic stops (DWI) and calls for domestic disturbances (Uncle Billy) and crazy neighbors fighting. At worst case, it's police chases (I have to admit there was a pretty interesting one in Columbia) and  officers putting their lives in danger in some form or another. When the show turns off at midnight, there is always a case still brewing that we don't get resolved.

A Note: Scary MOB Wives

I don't think anyone plans to watch Mob Wives. It just kinda happens on a random Tuesday night when the classy stuff, the REAL HOUSEWIVES are on on hiatus and the real shows are in repeats. Drama alert: someone doesn't want to read the chapter of someone else's book. And I quote: "This isn't a merry-go-round! This is friendship!" Finally, a solution to the problem from a senior wife: "Both of yous go out into the woods and only one of you's will make it back!"

This is really making me miss Bravo's Russian Dolls, and I only watched 20 minutes of that. But, I'm liking the mood music for this important meeting.

I give. Total elapsed time with the mob wives: 5 minutes.

Sham Marriage Ends: America Set Free Again

After 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries.  A word to the wise kids: never marry someone who has the same first name as your mom. Also, doubly never marry this person if the two spell their names the same way. It is guaranteed to get weird.

     To tell the truth, I really thought Kris (boy, not mom) would be the first one to pull the plug. But, maybe Kim woke up and realized that eventually the NBA lockout will end and Kris might actually have something to do with his life. In any case, this marriage lasted way longer than Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (2 days, and no not that guy from Seinfeld), but at least they woke up in Vegas and were able to correct (annul) their mistakes with a clean and hopefully sober mind.

A Note: NoEvil News August 24 - Sept 7

4. New Dancing With the Stars Cast Revealed!
This grouping is by far the most interesting in a while, Cher's kid, Courtney Cox's ex, Kim, Kourt and Khloe's brother, Lauren Conrad's old bestie.... it might be better rephrased as Dancing with People Adjacent to the Stars.

3. Courtney Thorne Smith joining Two and a Half Men
I have really enjoyed watching her on the early seasons of Ally McBeal, and she was great in According to Jim. It's worth a shot at this point to bring a ray of un-ironic sunshine to the show.

2. The Bachelor Pad: People are Kissing Each other and Spending the Night
It's like watching Jersey Shore where the people go in a hot tub and yell at each other.... Wait , that sounds a lot like Jersey Shore... minus the roses.

1. Regis is Leaving in November
I am truly sad. I love watching Reege. In related news, Dana Carvey does a great Regis impression.

A Note About Dancing and Stars

I can't believe Brandy got voted off dancing with the stars after receiving a perfect score. More importantly, I can't believe who is left- Cory and Bristol???

Team Jen Grey all the way. Because nobody puts baby in a corner.

A Note About Dancing with the Animals

First of all, I think theme nights on reality contest shows are completely overrated. Second of all, when they involve the theme songs of old tv shows, I am far more repulsed than nostalgic. There is a difference on American Idol (for example) of doing a theme "Songs from Musicals" rather than a narrow theme like "Songs from Jekyll and Hyde." Which, is beautiful music, but has no place on AI.

Back to Dancing's asinine theme of tv themes... While Bristol Palin is not the best dancer, and man, had she had her dirty laundry aired, she's been giving it a try. I personally favor Jennifer Grey (nobody puts baby in a corner), but I haven't been following all that religiously. Tonight, Bristol and her partner danced to the theme song to "The Monkees", and they wore monkey suits. Not only is that a cheap trick, but they looked ridiculously stupid.

And as expected, Florence Henderson, AKA Mrs. Brady, danced to "The Brady Bunch" theme song.