Ye-Ye-Yeezy

 

It's Friday the 13th and I'm flashing back to spring break 2008, which is the last time I actually respected Kanye West. 

This was back when you would turn on the radio and hear Kanye on the radio with hits like "Heartless" and "Stronger." Although the number one song on this chilly trip to Amherst, MA was T.I. and Ri-Ri's "Live your Life,"  can you ever get this gem of a lyric out of your head?

Work it, make it, do it

Makes us (VOCORDER) harder, better, faster, stronger.

So, when I saw this headline today, I scratched my head... Kanye West Secret Wedding with Mystery Woman! 

We'll return to 2007's Stronger, I think that's where things began to go off course. In the song, Kanye says he's been on ya since "OJ had Isotoners," and we all know how poppa Robert Kardashian tried to defend OJ in the legendary 1994 case, The People vs. OJ Simpson If Kanye had never been Keeping Up with the Kardashians, where would be be now?

What would have happened to the Kanye timeline if he hadn't pursued Kim?

I honestly think the guy's mental health might have been better off.  I'm still not seeing how he and Kim were able to get along with each other so well in the first place. I think it has to be partly due to their egos; they did get married at the Palace of Versailles and name their first child after two cardinal directions. Maybe he wouldn't have run for president. Maybe someone in gen Z can also make sense of the Yeezy clothing line? I've never been so upset to look at a GAP ad. The $100+ price point for sweatshirts and ugly puffer coats just baffles me.

Maybe it's artistic genius.... or madness. Now the recently divorced rapper has married a woman (and Yeezy designer) who looks JUST like his ex-wife. Is it 2007 again? Are we ready for more weirdness? Only time will tell.

Sham Marriage Ends: America Set Free Again

After 72 days of marriage, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries.  A word to the wise kids: never marry someone who has the same first name as your mom. Also, doubly never marry this person if the two spell their names the same way. It is guaranteed to get weird.

     To tell the truth, I really thought Kris (boy, not mom) would be the first one to pull the plug. But, maybe Kim woke up and realized that eventually the NBA lockout will end and Kris might actually have something to do with his life. In any case, this marriage lasted way longer than Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (2 days, and no not that guy from Seinfeld), but at least they woke up in Vegas and were able to correct (annul) their mistakes with a clean and hopefully sober mind.

A Note: NoEvil News August 9 - August 23

7. ABC new home to empowered women!
I can't disagree with one speck of this article. ABC's all about the alpha females now.

6. New Baby Lily on Modern Family.
Let's hope she keeps those adorable "what are you doing?" expressions the original twins that played Lily mastered so well.

5. Bridget Jones III!
I love this franchise like nothing else. The plot line seems a bit weak , but I've give anything to see Hugh Grant and Colin Firth wrestle in a fountain again.

4. Ashton Brings DMV to TruTv.
It's like Punked, except at the front of the line, they tell you to come back after lunch. Unfortunately, this show will probably be on opposite my favorite car reality show, Parking Wars.

3. Kim Kardashian Got Married and Spent a Lot of Money
Ah, wedded bliss! Second wedding's the charm. And she only spend $150,000 on the dress, that's nothing compared to the amount she could spend on a future divorce.

2. Earthquake felt "all over east coast."
Apparently I'm the only person the east coast that didn't feel it. Good thing CNN is checking Twitter to survey the damage.

1. Anne Hathaway busts a gangsta rap on Conan.
Saw it live. Loved it. Also enjoyed Anne explaining to Conan about "ba-donk-a-donk."