Sometimes It's a Grammar Fail Day: Part 2

     It's been two years to the day since I last wrote about widely published grammar fails. It's time for the 2018 edition of glaring grammar errors. As a professional proofreader, it's my sworn duty to call these errors out. Most of these are simple usage errors or some choice spellings that don't appear in any dictionary I have at home.     

7. Social Media Fail                                                                     

It's easy to make a grammar error when you're typing condolences in 120 characters or less, and my fellow BSB fans are not shy about pointing it out. In any case, confusing two versions of a word, morning vs. mourning is a pretty tame and forgivable grammar fail. It was best put by fan @GraceJoy1328 that in a time of loss, word usage errors are not too bad. 

6. Tentative Weather
Normally weather forecasts are given in ranges. Sometimes those ranges get a little vague. More than once this year, the range has just been 'a lot of snow.' 
Check out this drastic difference of snow totals in a warning from The Weather Channel in February. 
It could be 6 to 12 inches, expect in the spot that's going to get 10 to 15 inches. When we're talking about a half a foot's difference of snowfall, this is the difference between one snow day and not leaving your house for the weekend.  


5. Cable News Scroll Grammar Error
FOX News (a.k.a. America's News HQ) wasted no time getting the story out. In their hast, the screen card spelled out "Admists" instead of "admit." This is not really appropriate grammar for anyone. Someone tried to make the verb "admit" both active and plural, which would need to be 'admits,'. They also used a totally creative and "fake news" way of spelling, which is incorrect.



4. Store Sign

On a winter trip to my favorite miscellaneous shopping experience, Ocean State Job Lot, I noticed a sign with a choice spelling for 'hoodie.' When last I checked, hoodie is the singular spelling, and when it goes plural, it's hoodies. A simple Google before printing the store signage can save a lot of face. 

3. Doctor's Office Spelling 
When making an appointment for an allergy shot on my ENT's app, I did a double take. I kept trying to figure out who the 'eshtablished' patients here. There is one letter added to the word that makes no sense, and I keep wondering if 'eshtablished' patients are better than established ones. Maybe they get all of the early morning and late night slots before they will become available? In any case, I'll be booking by location tonight. 



2. Newsletter Nightmare
It's easy to confuse two similar words when you type as fast as I do. It's quite embarrassing to have a link to a nutritional article about dairy (with a cow pictured) and to find out this piece is about "diary??" Clearly, these two common words can be swapped easily, but they have nothing in common. 





1. Headline Homicide
I did a double take last week when I read this latest development in the fragile relationship of comedian Pete Davidson and singer Ariana Grande. Not only are the pair shockingly engaged after one month of dating, but then Pete died??? What a tragedy...
Here is another classic version of using the wrong word drastically changing the meaning of the sentence, for the worst. When someone DYES something, they add color to it, but when they DIE, they are not living (or playing an elaborate casino game). 

Retail Tanks in 2017- The End of An Era

     America is in facing a huge emergency. It's a "Darth Vader is coming" type of fashion emergency. In the last week, I have learned that 2 major retail chains are closing stores (again), and one manjor women's retailer is going out of business. One store is on it's way back in the coming weeks, but the damage may already be done.

The Limited- Shock and Awe
     A week ago, I walked past my local The Limited store. It was Gone Girl. It wasn't just closed, it was dark and stripped of all signage. It was completely empty. In fact, I didn't even know that spot was The Limited until I reviewed the stores on each side. Here's the kicker. I didn't have any idea the store was closing. And it seems other people are in the same boat. According to an article I read today, the stores began filing notices after thanksgiving that large-scale layoffs were coming. What they didn't say was that their plan meant that everyone was getting laid off. All of the stores are closing as of tomorrow evening, but news sources report the online business will remain open. Right now, everything is 50% off on TheLimited.com and there is no information about the future of the company.

     It's basically like The Limited is pulling an Irish exit, disappearing from a party out the back door. My mom had been by out local store two days before me, and it was fully operational. There was no "everything must go" signage. Now everything is 90% off in store. It's almost like the stores begun closing in secret. I read several articles that had been posted by local newspapers around the country last week, all stores in Florida are closing, all stores in Ohio are closing.... but nobody mentioned it was across the country. Now I'll have to look for a new place to buy my favorite dress pants...

Macy's and Sears- More Disappointments
     Major retailers are struggling. We can get so many things online today, but we can't try on a sweater through our computer. We can't get lost in counters of perfume and makeup on the computer. How can so many large department stores be closing? Macy's plans to close almost 65 stores early this year, resulting in 4,000 to 6,000 employees (depending on which source you consult) that will lose their jobs or be re-assigned to other stores. One of my local stores added a "Macy's Backstage" department, which carries a lot of assorted items and clothes for the "fashion-forward bargain hunter." When I walked through the area, the associate explained that this was to compete with the trifecta of bargain hunting,  TJ Maxx, HomeGoods and Marshalls.  I have no ill will against these store,s but I've never gone to Macy's looking for the same things I look for HomeGoods. And I know for sure, that when shopping for a wedding registry, one goes to Macy's as opposed to Marshalls. I'm really shocked that a store that has a very classy reputation is going so (for lack of a better word) mainstream.

     On the other hand, I've always seen Sears as more of an every woman type of store. The sell electronics and tools as opposed to makeup and luggage. I also cannot remember the last time I've shopped in a Sears. TBH, once the Kardashian Kollection moved in (about 2010), I couldn't step foot into the store unless I was cutting through to get somewhere else. I take it back, as I did go there to pick up a pair of discount boots at the beginning of spring. I also had to return to the store because the box was sold to me with two right boots. Reports indicate Sears is in serious trouble. They are closing 150 stores (a mix of Sears and KMart stores). They are also selling off their legendary Craftsman Tools brand to pay off debts. It's pretty unfortunate.

Aeropostale- a New Hope?
     Trouble started with the closing of similiar brand American Eagle's lingerie/apparel store Aerie in 2014. They went online only and are still here online in 2017. Nothing for me if worse than ordering some underwear and bathing suits on a computer when you have no idea how they will fit.

     Throughout 2016, Aeropostale stores began closing (with signage). The filed for bankruptcy in May. In September, it was announced that the company may be restructured to keep stores open. My local store closed. This marks a new level of restructuring, where the chain of stores would be sold off to property management group, Simon Malls.  Simon is now the first property group to take over a chain of stores. We are eagerly curious about the new iteration of Aero coming to our local mall, which is not owned by the Simon group. Will more stores be bought out by mall owners in the future? I'm hoping this type of business model might keep any future stores from closing.

She's A Dominatrix Supermodel Beauty Queen

     Just over 16 years ago, boy band O-Town brought out one of their most remembered hits, Liquid Dreams. This song was a bouncing ditty about the "perfect woman," made up of the best physical characteristics (and Halle Berry's personality). At a teenager's listening, it's a catchy pop song. At an adult woman's listening the song is kinda offensive, reducing us down to our physical appearances. The song lyrics follow below. I assembled images from magazines to create this woman, and I am revealing it to the world now. I think all of these parts would make one very odd looking woman. Ideal maybe, but not real. Let's all take 2017 to appreciate our own unique beauty. Let me know what you think of her look...

Posters of (Jennifer) Love surrounding me, lost in the world of fantasy.
Every night she comes to me and gives me all the love I need.
Now this hot girl, she's not your average girl
She's a morpharotic dream from a magazine.
And she's so fine, designed to blow your mind.
She's a dominatrix supermodel beauty queen!

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child,
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style,
With Janet Jackson's smile. Throw in a body like Jennifer's,
You've got the star of my liquid dreams.

Angelina Jolie's lips to kiss in the dark,
Underneath Cindy C's beauty mark.
When it comes to the test, well Tyra's the best.
And Salma Hayek brings the rest.

Now this hot girl, she's not your average girl.
She's a morpharotic dream from a magazine.
And she's so fine, designed to blow your mind.
She's a dominatrix supermodel beauty queen!

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child,
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style,
With Janet Jackson's smile. Throw in a body like Jennifer's,
You've got the star of my liquid dreams.

Looks ain't everything, she's got the sweetest personality,
Like Halle B.
My mama thinks I'm lazy, my friend all think I'm crazy,
But in my mind, I leave the world behind... every night I dream.

Liquid Dreams, my Liquid Dreams
Waterfall and streams, these liquid dreams...

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child,
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style,
With Janet Jackson's smile. Throw in a body like Jennifer's,
You've got the star of my liquid dreams, my liquid dreams.

Pushing the Season

This morning I recieved an e-mail that said "Christmas Starts Now" in the title. Note that today is November 1st. Christmas is now 54 days away. Could we wait a week or two before we get taken over by the spirit?  

Sometimes It's A Grammar Fail Day...

     To be honest, I never want to be the person at a party mentally correcting the grammar of my friends. To be perfectly  honest, sometimes I can't stop myself. It's good to know my other fellow English major friends are still there for me! (Thanks!) It's not the everyday misuse of THEY'RE vs. THEIR or TWO and TOO that can get me, it's the plural possessives that keep me up at night. How many signs have to incorrectly refer to a group of co-workers as EMPLOYEES'?? HINT: I have seen more than one. Here are some of the grammar fails I've caught in the last few months. Let's get them off our chests and move on peacefully.


5. Supermarket Sunscreen Ad

(C) PipPepPop

I know these little ads have a premium on their space. I cannot understand why someone would use their full space and still not use the correct word on there.

For the record, I always SCREEN the sun away from my body.





4. Cleaning Reminder at My Office

(c) PipPepPop

     My personal favorite reminder from work is a photo of Alice from The Brady Bunch with an accompanying quote:
"Now we're all got to keep this place tidy, ya hear?"

     This was since replaced with a new reminder, typed up a few months ago in an extreme haste. First of all, the last line switches from lowercase to all caps during the sentence. Why not make it all caps to really send the message home?

     Secondly, there are two apostrophes listed in the word don't. Are we that concerned? Does this mean we DO NOT NOT with added emphasis?

     In conclusion, we are not supposed to put food in the drian. At first, I thought this was some new hip slang the teens were using. It is not. They simply mis-typed the word DRAIN.




3. Movie Ad

(c) PipPepPop

      If your movie has a long title, I expect it might be shortened on billboards and other promotional materials. this is exactly why the Twitter hashtag was invented. The part about this that mystifies me is that the movie is called GOOSEBUMPS, and they took one letter out of the title to shorten it to GOOSEBUMS, which sounds like a long-lost John Belushi movie from the 1970's.



2. Fancy Engagement Ring Ad Copy

     The copy for this engagement ring collection and fancy jewelry store is missing something. The KWIAT jewler calls out the "Lorem Ipsum Dolor Et AlCollection". That's not an actual collection. Yes, the typeset and wording are just some Latin mumbo jumbo and it's not even separated for the word collection. According to Wikipedia, "Loren Ipsum..." is filler text in the publishing world that translated to "Pain Itself." 

(Photos (c) Pippeppop)

1. Political Campaign Brochure
     This brochure was delivered to my house a few months ago. While I will not reveal the name of the candidate and humiliate the person, I will say the candidate does not have a shot at becoming president at this point.
     The brochure spells the very wordy unconscionable correctly, then goes on to say    "... full-time workers lives in poverty." It adds a singular verb with a plural noun. Why????

A Weirdly Offensive CD Title (BONUS)

(c) PipPepPop

I found this GEM in a record store in Memphis. Sadly, I didn't take it home with me to give it a listen. Instead, I submitted it to The Tonight Show Do Not Play List, (I'm still waiting, Jimmy Fallon!)There is technically nothing wrong with this title, it follows the rules of grammar. 

a) I'll is the correct contraction for I WILL. 

b) There is a comma before water and baby, indicating the speaker is talking directly to his baby, like the great Barry White. 

     Quite honestly, I found the title it to be very unsettling. This man is in the woman's bath, with a champagne glass that may be filled with her body-soiled water. No thank you!