Swept Away - TV's Missing It's Primetime

     November has long been known as one of the truly glorious months in television. Once upon a time, this month, along with February and season-ending May were the big months to watch. This tradition dates as far back as the 1950's where Nielsen numbers measured how many viewers watched a program. Data these days breaks it down even more by age, gender and other factors.  These months measured viewership and would eventually determined advertising rates for shows. The more popular a program, the more money they could get. This was long before the "big game" was raking in millions per commercial.

     In today's day and age, we could lose a favorite character at any turn, and long-absent guests are just as likely to pop up in September as they are midway into the season. While I'm still hopelessly behind on all of my shows, there have been a fair amount of times this month when nothing much is going on. Take Election day, Thanksgiving day and Black Friday, all three guaranteed weeknights this month to show repeats. What happens when we head to December?

Image from Giphy

   
     First, The "Winter Finales" will come. Much like the ghost of Christmas past, the WF will leave us on either a satisfying resolution for the year, or utter shock. The idea comes from British shows such as The Office or Downton Abbey, which often end the season with a Christmas themed episode. It's time for Christmas specials (not the special Yuletide-themed episodes like our favorite 90's shows, but events like "Michael Buble's Christmas" and "CMA Country Christmas."  Much to my surprise, Shonda Thursdays  are ending their first part of the season this week with what promises to be a grand,earth-shattering, Winter conclusion. This is a nice way of saying we won't see Grey's Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder or the not-looking-promising for renewal Notorious until Scandal comes a calling, which is about two months from now. There will be a full two months with nothing new from most of our favorite shows. What kind of present is that?

Stay tuned for a post on the best 90's themed Christmas episodes.

Holiday Movies

How many toiletry kits does one man need?

-- Sinbad (Jingle All the Way)

Merry Christmas! It's holiday movie season. Here's a rundown of what I've seen so far on tv this season and my opinions as an adult re-watching these beloved holiday classics (and some random Lifetime Movies).

Jingle All the Way

     My mom claims she's never seen this movie before, but I am pretty sure she took me to see if when it came out in the mid 1990's. This is the story of a dad (Arnold Schwarzenegger) that's too busy to care about his family until he has to get the season's hottest toy for his son (Jake Lloyd, little Darth Vader in the early Star Wars movies). He ends up fighting Sinbad (playing a mailman) and a variety of others (elves and a cast of characters including Sabrina's Principal Kraft Martin Mull as a Radio DJ and Phil Hartman as a neighbor who is too friendly with Arnold's wife).

Notes: Bad parenting! What kind of company has a party for the employees right before Christmas and doesn't invite spouses? My favorite part is Arnold chanting the names of the reindeer in the street. 

Amusing Buzzfeed post

Home Alone/ Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
     Little Kevin McAllister (Macauley Culkin) gets left at home by his extended family in a Chicago suburb at Christmas.  Nobody can get back to  him and he fends off two robbers (Joe Pesci and Daniel  Stern) using a TalkBoy recorder and some old movies. Then, he boards the wrong plane the next year and checks into the Plaza like Eloise. 

Notes: 
    This kid is a genius! Things like this could only happen in a post TSA-crazed world. Child protective services would definitely have this family on watch after the first incident. My favorite moment is when Kevin's mom (Catherine O'Hara) hitches a ride from Miami to Chicago with a polka band led by John Candy. I'm also left wondering how a family with so many kids can afford this beautiful house. Furthermore, check out the hotel staff in HA2: (Tim Curry, Rob Schneider, Dana Ivey) for some laughs and mischief.



The Santa Clause/SC2/SC3
     Tim Allen plays a divorced dad (Scott Calvin) trying to give his son a better Christmas than his mom and new stepdad, played by a cocky Judge Reinhold. Please note, this is the first movie I saw JR in, as a child, before going  back to enjoy his glorious 80's roles. Surprise, Santa falls off their roof and as soon as Scott puts on the suit,e he delivers presents all over the world. Wait, he just became Santa and she has the same initials? Yes. As the next year progresses, the toy salesman starts to transform into Santa, much to the horror of his friends and delight of his young son.

Notes: I love a young David Krumholtz (N3mbers, 10 Things I Hate About You)  as the wise old Bernard the Elf. I really enjoy the first Santa Claus movie and the second one was almost tolerable too, but by the third one, I was begging to be set free.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

     Chevy Chase does some of his finest comedy as Loveable dad Clark W. Griswold in this holiday hell tale. The Griswolds host their parents, in-laws, great aunts and uncles and crazy Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) and his family, only to discover there are no Christmas bonuses to cover the down payment on their new pool.

I own this shirt!

Notes: 
In this version of National Lampoon, Clark's teen kids Rusty and Audrey are played by Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki and this year's tv chameleon (Wayward Pones and Secrets and Lies), Juliette Lewis. I also realized this year that Clark's Grinchy boss is played by Bill Murray's brother, Brian Doyle-Murray, and I kept seeing good ol' Bill Murray mannerism throughout the scene. Favorite moment: Aunt Bethany reciting the pledge of allegiance as a way of saying Grace before the overcooked turkey dinner and Beverly D'Angel as Clark's Wife Ellen informing the swat team this was their first hostage situation and they were not sure how to do it right.

The Christmas Gift (2015)
This new Lifetime movie was allegedly based on a real story. It focused on reporter Megan (Michelle Tractenberg), who was a poor orphan living with her aunt. Megan received a gift when she is about 10 from Wesley, a rich child who wanted to being joy to unfortunate children. Fast forward about 20 years and Megan is a newly dumped reporter trying to land a big story, and she comes across the notebook she received from Wesley. She tracks him down and he is still a good Samaritan, running a home for orphan kids. She introduces herself to write a story about the center, leaving out her connection to Wesley. As luck would have it, Wesley's dad is purchasing Megan's aunt; nursing home to build new condos.

Notes: This movie went on for a long time. There were a lot of scenes that could be cut out to move the story along. Of course, it comes down to Megan's integrity and her need to find happiness. Also a facet of the Lifetime genre, everyone gets a happy ending. I might have liked this more with a different actress and Michelle Tractenberg can be pretty flat in her line delivery. Also, Megan doesn't seem to care very much about her aunt (who raised her as an orphan), so I'm not sure why is she so upset (not very emotional at that, she just says she is upset a lot) that she's going to have to look for a new nursing home? Maybe she could stay for dinner when she goes to visit her aunt or something nice like that?


Love Under the Christmas Table
This movie was available on Hulu plus so it saved a trip to the Redbox. That being said, it has a lot of potential to be an enjoyable romp. I am a huge fan of Danica McKellar from The Wonder Years, and her dad id played by Scott Patterson (Luke from Gilmore Girls) and his love interest is Lea Thompson (Back to the future). But the main story is about Danica's Kat meeting her dad's friend's son each year at a lame Christmas party from about age 5 to 30. Sam stays in town to deign furniture with their dads' business and Sam leaves to become a successful reporter.  Both Kat and Sam have an inability to realize they love each other until he builds a cardboard version of their future house and proposes, under the table their dads first built for the kids to eat at during Christmas dinner.

Notes: I was sick when I watched this movie so I wasn't too picky, but it became brutal after a few scenes of Christmas over and over again. It was a mercy killing. At least two couples found love at the end as Sam finally accepted her mom's death from her childhood and proposed on behalf of her dad to his best galpal.

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An Updated Note About Hawaii 5-0 Bingo

I got 5-0 BINGO!

After 4 weeks of playing, I succeeded during Monday night's Christmas episode of Hawaii 5-0.

The bingo spaces included:

5. Alex O'Loughlin runs really fast.

4. Car chase

3. Alex O'Loughlin breaks several police brutality laws.

2. The bad guys turn out to be terrorists.

1. Alex O'Loughlin and Scott Caan flirt shamelessly.

Note: There were 12 spaces covered during this week's game board.

Sidenote: Rules about the free space (I count this alternately as a Ford product placement or every time they show the gold Hawaiian warrior statue^).

Observation: If this was a drinking bingo game, and we counted each time they showed the Hawaiian warrior state outside of 5-0 headquarters, people would be very drunk by the end of an episode.

A Note About Christmas Time Again: PSYCH style

I call this episode "It's a Wonderful PSYCH."

I thought the Christmas episode of Psych was great.

Best parts:
The elf actor guy.
The scenes from movies and shows: Juliet as TJ Hooker, Lassie as Hitler.
Gus's life as a sitcom.
Snowman Gus- made of chocolate ice cream.
Gus diffusing a bomb at the last minute.
The acknowledgment that young Shawn is played by many different kids.
Shawn convincing the oppressed townspeople to testify against a crime lord.

A Note About Christmas Time Again: How I Met Your Mother style

Its time for a 12 days of Christmas list about my favorite parts of this week's Christmas-themed HIMYM episode.

12. NO ZOE IN THE EPISODE!
For obvious reasons.

11. Charity
The stripper, not the feeling of goodwill. Now Barney, take me off your e-mail list.
Barney's description of being charitable: the various types of women he sleeps with (sixes are real charity work).

9. A diamond-studded suit
"Attention criminals! You can retire on the pants alone." -Ted

8. The Return of Punchy
I love this guy more when he's on the phone with Ted. I also love Ted's plans to kick ass on the flower arrangements. But revelation time, Ted is probably giving the best man speech for earlier in the season at PUNCHY's wedding, not CINDY's, as we all thought.

7. Marshall and Lily trying to prepare for having a baby in one night.
"The nursery is painted blue."
"What if we have a girl Marshall?"

6. Ted's Christmas movie-themed snack
All it needs is some Gingerbread men.

5. Barney's favorite things
Matching track suits, remote control cars... could it be any better

4. Robin's classy description about being a "coin-flip bimbo"

3. Alex Trebek guest starring (see #4)

2. I've never seen that woman before in my life!
Barney's classic response to hearing a woman is pregnant.

1. Ted being his good old Ted self.
Putting everyone on the path they belong on and going to see "It's a wonderful life" alone.

A Note About Christmas Bonuses

Mad Men is finally back. After last week's tense Thanksgiving episode, it's Christmas time at Sterling, Cooper, Draper & Price.

While Sally struggles with her first Christmas without dad, Freddy Rumsen comes back into the office. Throw in a big Christmas party and typical mad man drama ensues! Gifts, girls, and games- plus that amazing conga line-mambo led by Joan.

Ten most shocking parts of the episode:

10. Sally's letter to Santa (aka her father)
This somewhat heartbreaking letter from Sally showed how well she is not taking her parents' divorce.

9. Sally and Bobby running into old neighbor Glen
Glen, who is apparently living with his harlot mother and her new husband, starts giving Sally advice about divorced parents. Glen ransacks Sally's house, leaving her room untouched. Could this preteen hooligan be Sally's first love? And how did her get into the house? I could have sworn Bobby let him in, but it looked like the family just came home.

8. Roger playing Santa at the Christmas party
Obliging his guest, Roger dresses up like Santa and passes out cigarettes to everyone at the party. Even more shocking, Harry sitting on his lap.

7. The return of the Lee Garner Jr.
The head of Lucky Strike (brings back good memories of the first episode), Lee, plans a surprise visit to town, and his presence suddenly means the office Christmas party has to be less "convalescent home" and more "Roman Orgy." Since Lucky Strike is about 99 percent of their business, "Lee Garner ... can get 3 wise men from Jerusalem" in the words of Roger Sterling.

6. The return of Freddy Rumsen
Freddy is back, and he's 16 months sober! Plus his Ponds account could bring a much-needed 2 million dollars into the company. Still the same: Freddy is an old-fashioned jerk.

5. Peggy tells off Freddy
Peggy, who took care of Freddy time and again after he was drunk (and peed himself) at work, has finally realized that Freddy isn't a great guy,. Drinking or not, he's still sprouting out old classics like, "Girls who don't wear cold cream will never get married. If young girls used it (ponds), they would get married and they wouldn't be so angry." Classy, Freddy.

4. Peggy pretending to be a virgin
So nobody's caught on after all this time that Peggy had a baby? With Pete? At least Pete finally found out. (Speaking of Pete, it was so good to see Trudy again - she's now playing Annie on Community). Back to Peggy, who also had sex with Duck Phillips -ew- several times last year- has decided to play the good girl card with her new boyfriend, until the end of the episode, where she fake lost her virginity. Great line: "You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do." - which brings me to another important thing-

3. Don turned down by TWO women
Don's nurse neighbor (Reed from Grey's Anatomy), AND the consumer researcher both turned him down.

2. Don has sex with ANOTHER secretary
He leaves his keys at the party, then asks his secretary to bring them over. A few minutes later, he's all over her on the couch. So much for divorce changing a man...

1. And now she's in love with him
Heartbreaking to watch her open her Christmas bonus.