My Murtaugh List: Too Old for the VMA's

Image Courtesy of  Pintrest. 

     First off, let me explain a few things about this post. I was home sick earlier this week and looking for something entertaining on the DVR. So naturally, I chose the MTV Video Music Awards, which has been on my DVR since August 28th. It was not just the cough medicine, but something in my head tipped me off to a very clear fact: I am too old to appreciate these awards any more.

      As you approach our 30's, you begin to list the things you can and can no longer do with pride. An episode of How I Met Your Mother outlines this theory and presented it as "The Murtaugh List." This list refers to the times when Danny Glover mutters "I'm too old for this s**t!" in the Lethal Weapon movies. Ted and the gang make a serious list of things they cannot do in their 30's. Why am I too old for the VMA Awards? Here are a few cliff notes to my list. Firstly, I don't know who about 30% of the people presenting awards. I can identify nearly all of the performers, but I can't say I like most of their music. Secondly, I keep flashing back to previous award shows and comparing things. Basically, I've seen too much.  But I am still transfixed every time Beyonce steps on the stage because I am a child of destiny.

My Murtaugh List for the VMAS: I am too old for...

1. Key and Peele hosting

VMA Hosts via Giphy Image. 

     In their defense, I like Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele. They won an Emmy award this year for their comedy!  But to my dismay, they were playing obnoxious characters as they hosted the show. When I see an award show, I don't want the presenters to be part of the spectacle. They were mildly funny in the beginning, suggesting Twitter hashtags for Rhianna's performance (below) such as getting Tom Brady to deflate the large cloud like structures on the stage. There were a bunch of forgettable correspondents backstage and in the cheap seats that added nothing to the coverage.

2. Rhianna's performance
     When you see the opening performance, you want to be wowed. I was disappointed and vaguely insulted by Rhianna, who received the night's highest honor, the Video Vanguard Award (like a video lifetime achievement). First of all, she and the dancers were dressed in bubblegum pink. Rhianna herself  had a waist cincher with arms unattached and dangling from the legs. They dancers had the aforementioned cloud beanbag chairs behind them, which was weird. The two songs in this first performance were Rhianna's more upbeat songs (We Found Love, Don't Stop the Music). She danced well to her music but there was not much singing. There was little singing. It was more like she was on Lip Sync Battle or emulating Britney Spears.

3. Live voting for best new artist via Twitter.
     When I was a young'n, you had to go to a website to vote.

Gif from Single Ladies' Dance Blog

4. Arianna Grande's Workout
     Unlike many other celebrity "singers", Ariana can sing. But she also is the girl that licked a doughnut and then said she hayy-ted (sic) America. She may be bold, but she is not regional. Her performance presented like a 2016  glammed-up, Olivia Newton-John's Let's Get Physical. It began with a spin bike class and ended with guys in skimpy wrestling unitards lifting barbells.

 5. Kanye West
      I know this guy believes he is the second coming, but I do not understand the appeal. Specifically I took issue with his nominated video, which the same I cannot remember and choose not to Google. Secondly,  He had a long and pointless intro to his music video, still referencing the time her cut off Taylor swift in the middle of her speech. He then proceeded to premier a video that was a rip-off of Flashdance (newsflash, the 80's workout movement is "in" right now). The part that concerns me is whether or not Kanye thinks this is a brand new concert.

Image from Giphy

6. People not showing up to accept Awards
     In the words of Stephanie Judith Tanner, "How rude." Are people like Drake and Calvin Harris so busy that they can't make it to New York for one night to accept an award that may or may not have been voted on via Twitter?

 7. Rhianna's 2nd performance (Rude Boy)
     This time she tried singing! She also had had pants, so this performance was a drastic improvement from the show opener.

8. Leave Britney Alone
It's Britney, and she's boring! I've seen her look better, first of all. She sad yellow bodysuit and very tanned back were not part of her best look. To make matters worse, this mother of two was groping her collaborator like a high school prom date. I daresay that Britney is too old for this, like a sad Vegas showgirl.

9. Using the local NYC scene as part of your performance

Image from Rockoranything.com

     Nick Jonas began his performance in a diner on 34th street (Tick Tock) and ran into the closed street across from Madison Square Garden. The street has a giant tractor trailer stage blocking the crosswalks and cars on hydraulics (not sure why that was important). When the awards used to be presented art Radio City, Eminem bravely implement this outdoor performance method 16 years ago when he led an army of Slim Shadys into Radio City. More recently,  Taylor Swift's 2009 "You Belong with Me" performance had her coming to to Radio City from the subway stop next door (see Kayne incident above).

 10. Rhianna's third performance
      I'm not familiar with this song but it was pretty awful. She began wearing a North Face-style puffy coat with sleeves that looked like an additional puffy coat. I thought for a while there might be a plastic bag on her thighs, but it turned out her thigh-high boot had flopped over her leg and it was not the same color inside and outside.

A Note About Bingo: HIMYM Board Added!

I have TV bingo fever! Thanks to the highly successful Hawaii 5-0 Bingo board, I've taken to making my own boards to hammer out the predictable (and loveable events of each episode). Today's post is on How I Met Your Mother. Over the last two weeks of HIMYM watching, I was happy to say the standard 5 x 5 (if you were just thinking I was making a Buffy reference, two points for you!) board was just not enough. Plus, in honor of Robin's new boytoy, Kal Pen, TMA on Hulu shares a list of her greatest boyfriends . So after the episode, I had to make a bigger board, 6 x 6 (not symmetrical, but nice)! I can't wait to play tonight! See categories below:

This is the original 5x5 board: Oct 10, 2011


A complete listing of the spaces (from top to bottom, left to right) appears here, with the revised
6 x 6 board, also from Oct 10th:


B
1. Barney talks about hookers/strippers
2. Ted tells his story out of order
3. The night ends back at MacLarens
4. Barney disgusts a woman
5. Ted talks about architecture...snore
6. Robin has to prove she's not one of the guys

I
1. Wendy the Waitress of Karl the bartender make an appearance
2. SUITS / SUIT UP!
3. Robin talks aboot life in Canada
4. Lily complains about being a teacher
5. Marshall makes up a song about something (slap song, laundry song etc...)
6. Barney wears a duck tie

N
1. Ted tells his kids a story with a lesson attached
2. An awesome guest star appearance
3. SPEND THE NIGHT WITH BARNEY FREE SPACE
4. Barney says AWESOME or LEGENDARY
5. We see the gang in high school, college, a few years ago...
6. Lily and Marshall high-five

G
1. Scene on fake NYC street
2. Lily meddles/ tells a friend's secret
3. Barney conducts an elaborate scheme for personal gain
4. Ted is called by a nickname: schmoesby, theodorea, ted eyelyn.....
5. LAWYERED!
6. Ted talks duchey and smart

O
1. People don't take Robin seriously
2. Someone from the group breaks out into song
3. Ted thinks this girl is "the one"
4. Marshall talks about life in Minnesota
5. Let's talk about Goliath National Bank
6. Bro Moment/ bro code reference

!
1. Ted and Marshall fight
2. Barney gives a fake statistic
3. Ted dates a girl with a major flaw
4. Someone makes an elaborate chart
5. The gang drinks
6. We get a clue about Ted's wife

A Note About Christmas Time Again: How I Met Your Mother style

Its time for a 12 days of Christmas list about my favorite parts of this week's Christmas-themed HIMYM episode.

12. NO ZOE IN THE EPISODE!
For obvious reasons.

11. Charity
The stripper, not the feeling of goodwill. Now Barney, take me off your e-mail list.
Barney's description of being charitable: the various types of women he sleeps with (sixes are real charity work).

9. A diamond-studded suit
"Attention criminals! You can retire on the pants alone." -Ted

8. The Return of Punchy
I love this guy more when he's on the phone with Ted. I also love Ted's plans to kick ass on the flower arrangements. But revelation time, Ted is probably giving the best man speech for earlier in the season at PUNCHY's wedding, not CINDY's, as we all thought.

7. Marshall and Lily trying to prepare for having a baby in one night.
"The nursery is painted blue."
"What if we have a girl Marshall?"

6. Ted's Christmas movie-themed snack
All it needs is some Gingerbread men.

5. Barney's favorite things
Matching track suits, remote control cars... could it be any better

4. Robin's classy description about being a "coin-flip bimbo"

3. Alex Trebek guest starring (see #4)

2. I've never seen that woman before in my life!
Barney's classic response to hearing a woman is pregnant.

1. Ted being his good old Ted self.
Putting everyone on the path they belong on and going to see "It's a wonderful life" alone.

A Note About Celebrating Halloween Part 3: Buddy Sitcoms

FRIENDS
Season 8's "The One With the Halloween Party."
Arm wrestling, Ross dressed as "poop" and Phoebe falling in love with her sister's fiancee. The only Halloween episode, unless you count Rahel dressing up as a cheerleader to impress "Joshua" and Monica's work at the 50's diner.
Will and Grace
Season 1's "Boo Humbug."
Karen and Jack are left with kids and meet drag queens on Halloween. Honorable mention for season 5's "It's the Gay Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."

How I Met your Mother
Season 1's "The Slutty Pumpkin"

Ted invokes Linus as he waits for the pumpkin he loves before and Barney coins the phrase "Space Suit Up!" Season 5's "Revenge of the Slap" had a quick Halloween scene where Barney is dressed as Borat.

See more sitcom Halloween memories here.

ADDENDUM: Last week's Halloween episode of COMMUNITY. A zombie infestation takes over the Halloween dance and everyone ends up dosed by the FBI so they don't remember.
I also loved the new Halloween-themed How I Met Your Mother. Something about the morning after "Halloween Parade" drove me to laughter tears over and over again.
And COUGARTOWN's "You Don't Know How it Feels" was part sappy sitcom and part Halloween greatness. It gets my stamp of approval for guest star Ken Jenkins (lovingly known as Dr. Kelso from SCRUBS) and my costume stamp of approval for Lori and Ellie dressing up as each other (and Travis dressing up as a badly-tanned Andy at the end). Grayson also dressed up as Prince, the artist formerly known as...

A Note About Smelling the Subway

In recent weeks, I've noticed a spike in subway stations being show in TV. My fundamental position is that if you cannot smell the dinginess of the subway - the pee, the homeless people,- then you are not doing your due diligence to your pre-show research.


Blue Bloods- the second episode, which featured a gruesome string of subway murders, looked like a real subway. Ok, so they do actually film in New York, so they have that advantage. But the subway looked like a Subway. A dirty, urine-covered subway. Huzzah!

How I Met Your Mother- In the quintessential "New York" episode, I commend this show, which is not shot in New York (its outdoor streets are fake Hollywood sets) for its real-looking subway. When Lily deciphered the muffled subway conductor's voice, it was a true New York mement. And the subway did not look like it smelled like urine, but it had implications of being a real subway.

Nikita- The NY cat-and-mouse thriller had a subway scene in its second episode, a traditional shootout in the 34th street station. This station was real looking, but way too squeaky clean for Penn station, and it looked nothing like the real station. Props for the real wooden seats!

Covert Affairs- This was in D.C., but the pilot episode ended with another shootout in the subway. It had no implications of urine smell, a way-too-clean subway.