Maya and Marty Had a Party... And It Was Weird

     I am quite sure critics have not liked the first two episodes of Maya and Marty. It might have nothing to do with the two stars and just with the idea that nobody cares for variety shows anymore. Much like the bygone era of vaudeville, variety shows are a little odd. To quote The Atlantic,

"But at its best, it feels like a copy of a copy: Tuesday Night Live, if you will."

     That's precisely the problem. It's got the casts (Maya Rudolph and Martin Short both came from SNL a did their co-stars and special guests, Keenan Thompson, Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon, and Steve Martin.

In honor of tonight's third episode, I'm reviewing last week's sketches.

- A Day With Anna Wintour 9/10
This PBS-style show followed Maya as Anna Wintour as she put together a new issue of VOGUE. This was actually pretty funny. She Devil Wears Prada's a few employees and showed us her favorite spot in New York, a grubby deli Karl Largerfeld frequents.

- Oprah Loves Bread 8/10
It was funny the first time when Maya played Oprah and yelled about how she are bread all day. After the third or so installment, she had statues of bread, then it got too much.

- Tina and Maya Sing 70's Love Songs 7/10
It was cute, but it went on for about 5 minutes too long.

- Kidnapping Video 6/10
Nathan lane tortured Marty with stage directions while being filmed for a kidnapping ransom. This also went along way too long.

- Birthday With the Parents 5/10
Maya and Marty played self-involved parents celebrating their 30-year old son's birthday. Guests Tina Fey and Shawn Hayes  played another couple.

- Martin and Steve's Duet 3/10
All of Marty's lines insulted himself and praised Steve.

- British Manners Instruction 2/10
This was downright terrible. Martin played a butler that yelled at one kid in particular for not following his manners instruction. This was like 1900's Gordon Ramsay in MasterChef Junior.

- Jimmny Glick Interviews Drake 1/10
I skipped through this. Watching him interview Larry David in the first episode took my last nerve.

Hello Nurse: GH Hosts the 2016 Nurses' Ball

     It's hard to top an event when it's been done for the better part of 20 years, but General Hospital piqued my interest for this year's Nurses' Ball. The show has had it's share of dramatic moments over the last 50+ years and it did not disappoint. All you need to know (outside from the very obvious intricate relationships between characters that are made very clear) is that the NB is an event to raise money for GH for the cause of fighting HIV/AIDS. There are disasters, lots of musical numbers (everyone in this tiny NY/Canada border town is a showboater), and hostess Lucy Coe (Lynn Herring) usually ends up with her clothes falling off (but not this year). Nobody thoguht last year's ball could be topped. We discovered Jake Doe was really Jason Morgan (see more below) and we saw this unravel Elizabeth (who knew the truth and kept Jason away from his family). Plus, Ric Lasing proposed to ex-wife Elizabeth and got turned down, humiliated and had all of his evil plans exposed.

Lucy Coe and Richard Simmons  at the Nurses' Ball of Yesteryear (GH Wiki)

Here are the 10 moments that topped 2015:

Image from General Hospital Wiki

10. MURDERER BEFRIENDS KID

     Someone let goofy (murdering) Franco Baldwin (Roger Howarth) near children for art therapy? This might have worked when James Franco played the character, because James Franco is soap opera hot, but let's think about this. This guy murdered multiple people for his "art" including the beloved Emily Quartermain. Elizabeth seems to be way too relenting about this whole arrangement of her kid hanging out with Franco, the guy who murdered her best friend!

9. A BUNCH OF OLD CHARACTERS GO TO THE BALL TOGETHER?

Image from Biography.com

     Laura Spencer has had quite the 30 year career on this show, and the first real "ship" couple, Luke and Laura. With Luke (Tony Geary) finally leaving the show last summer, Laura (Genie Francis) has been kicking around trying to save her dumb, adult children from completely ruining their lives. She has mostly been failing at this. They have a small brood of unruly children, and her son Lucky (Jonathan Jackson) bailed out on his wife. Son Nikolas's life fails are outline below. Even her daughter Lulu has made some stupid choices...

    I think we haven't seen the last of Luke yet, but in the meantime, Laura showed up with no ticket, and was able to score an armed escort with psychiatrist Dr. Kevin Collins (John Lindstorm). So hello 90's, what end of the hospital has he been working in all this time?




8. EVERYONE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT CARLOS RIVERA

Image from GeneralHospitalBlog.com

    What is the big deal with this guy? At last year's Nurses' Ball, Carlos was on the run for something bad Then he murdered Duke Lavery after the ball. Now, everyone is trying to figure out who shot Carlos. (It was... oh who cares?) Now Carlos is gone. There have been a lot of murders and deaths in this town that people have made less of a deal about.
   
As far as I'm concerned, he  can get his own spinoff entitled:
 Were In The World Is Carlos Rivera... And Does Anyone Really Want to Find Him?"

7. THE OLD CARLY IS BACK! (NOT LITERALLY) 

Image from Giphy

     Carly Too-Many-Last-Names* (Laura Wright) is finally back to her evil tricks. She cat fights in the bathroom moments before her brother is supposed to get married and she wins! Carly walks out with enough dirt on her husband's baby mama Ava to keep Ava's child away from her forever.

* Her Full name with marriages is something like:
Caroline Leigh Benson Roberts Quartermain Corinthos Alcazar Jacks Corthinos




6. NED ASHTON STILL THINKS HE IS A ROCK STAR
     One of Port Charles' favorite rock stars (there are two, and the other one is played by Rick Springfield) made a rare appearance to duet on Don't Go Breaking My Heart with his dead sister-in-law's cousin's kid. All hail Eddie Main!

5. ROBIN'S BACK AGAIN!

Image from GeneralHospitalBlog.com

     Fan favorite Kimberly McCullogh played Dr. Robin Scorpio Drake from 1985-2001 as a child/teen and has been on and off since 2004. She is the hart of the nurses' ball and is a character living with HIV. Long story short, Robin was presumed dead for a while (She was kidnapped on one of the Cassadine Islands, as most of the people on this list were), but she came back. Nobody is really surprised when she pops back into town at this point.



4. THE GAY WEDDING GOT CALLED OFF DUE TO... NEEDLES?

Image from Soaps.sheknows.com

     First the mother of a groom, Bobbie Spencer (Jackie Zeman) collapses. She got injected with something backstage (and this is the least that has happened to Bobbie). When her son Dr. Lucas Jones (Ryan Carnes) arrives with her at the hospital, he was also stuck with a needle. Who's to blame, and is this a hate crime?  It looks like Dr. Liesl Obrecht is mad that nobody wants to see her perform. I'm not sure if this performance denial is her motivation for needling people, or something to do with Carlos Rivera being her grandkid's baby daddy. Can someone on this crack detective squad solve a crime correctly for once? Why hasn't Lisel tried to pick up said grandchild from the clutches of Tracey Quartermain while her daughter Sabrina is AWOL? Why did Sabrina leave her baby with the Quartermains, only to ditch her reunion with her kid to sing the last song of the ball? Please, PCPD, solve any one of these questions!

3. SAM MCCALL-MORGAN IS THIS TOWN'S DA VINCI

Image from Giphy

     Kelly Monaco's Sam came to town as a salvage boat captain after playing Dr. Collins' daughter Livie on Port Charles. She charmed Jasper Jax and ended up in the protection of Sonny and Jason. I honestly cannot pinpoint a job this woman has had since she became involved with the mob guys, but in this one ball, she danced in a salsa number and served as a best man to  a wedding that didn't happen. Plus, she is gaining back the trust of Jason.



2. JASON MORGAN'S ACCIDENT GOT HIS MEMORIES BACK

Image from General Hilarity Blog

     Jason (Morgan) Quartermain (currently played by Billy Miller)  used to be a rich prepster. He lost his memory in a car accident caused by his brother, A.J. Then Jason got amnesia and became the right hand of a "coffee importer", mob boss Sonny Corinthos.  A lot of other stuff happened! Jason's nephew Michael became sonny's stepson, and  everyone had some more kids. Plus, he lost his memory for about 6 months  and thought his name was Jake last year. A few weeks ago, Jason got in a car accident, saved one of Sonny's other sons, Dante, in the crash. Now Jason has old memories and new memories. He is now trying to reconcile with his wife, Sam, as Jason 2.0, Jason is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He has connections to his past and the ability to feel emotions again, which may make him a terrible mob enforcer, but it's all he's known for so many years.

1. NIKOLAS CASSADINE IS A BADDIE... AND POSSIBLY DEAD?

Image from HighlightHollywood.com

     I'm not sure I followed the whole Nikolas (Tyler Christopher) blackmailing and sham marriage to Hayden and stolen diamonds bit, but I know one thing for sure. Nikolas wanted Elizabeth (Rebecca Herbst) all to himself last year, and he let her unravel by revealing Jason's true identity and made her go all Fatal Attraction on Jason/Jake (see #2).  Also, his nutso grandmother (R.I.P Helena) was the one who kidnapped and sometime brainwashed half the town (usually when they're presumed dead). Nikolas always wanted to circumvent his wild Russian royal family and their blackmailing, murder and kidnapping. Way to parent this guy, Laura Spencer. But when Jason (who is Nik's cousin's husband) confronted him after the ball, it looks like Nik landed at the bottom of a cliff. Now, Nikolas is missing. Who is watching little Spencer? His Aunt Elizabeth is a hot mess, his Uncle Lucky split because he is a terrible father to a his brood of children from other daddies, his grandma Laura is out picking up anyone left at the hospital, and his Aunt Lulu is making dagger eyes at her stepbrother Dylan's new girlfriend and nursing her injured husband Dante back to health after the Jason accident. Yes, everyone in this town is over-related. It's really gross when you think about it, so don't. I don't even want to point out Spencer's mom Courtney used to be married to Jason, who then married Nikolas's cousin Sam, and they are suspects in Nik's disappearance.

     Which brings me to the most  important question. How do people get out to Nikolas' Wyndamere/Spoon Island so quickly? Is there a speedboat I'm unaware of? It's an island and these people are walking there minutes after announcing they are off to the island.

UPDATED JUNE 3rd

So Long, Jimmy

     Has anyone ever held on to the fantasy of their estranged grandparents getting back together? Well little Edie (played by twins Emelia and Layla Golfieri) is oping for two generations to patch things up. Edie is a toddler being raised by a curious group of family in a fairly "Full House". Her app-developer dad and resident sensetive guy Gerald E. Kingsley (Josh Peck) and entrepreneur-without-a-cause mom Vanessa (No-last-name like her icon Rhianna) played by singer Christina Milian. Gerald is also the product of two unlikely parents, hippie social worker Sarah (Paget Brewster, a.k.a. Kathy from FRIENDS), and an unknown father, until the first episode of this show. Gerald shows up at a an L.A. barely-hotspot, Jimmy's, and announces to Jimmy Martino (John Stamos) that he is his long-lost 25-year old son. Jimmy doesn't know how to fit into a family that plays an elaborate game to choose a movie night, let alone how to grandparent or parent a child. He makes an elaborate show of ditching Thanksgiving to take a model girlfriend to the beach. As soon as Jimmy meets a more recent ex of Sarah, he jumps in, trying to show Gerald he can be more of a dad than a guy that raised him for several years.   In the end, Jimmy realized he only wanted to be the his family on the holiday.       

     Over time, the family wears Jimmy down with their kindness. He makes up for lost time with Gerald and little Edie. As expected, jokes about about popular culture, trying to be cool, taking care of children, and Jimmy's obsession with his hair abound.  Yes, it's a bit hokey. It is also loaded with "back together" cameos Bob Saget (as an old pal of Jimmy that wants to keep partying), Drake Bell (Drake & Josh) as a crude potential investor for Gerald's app. The storylines are a bit cliche at times,  but Stamos' charm is never wavering. My favorite episodes included one where Gerald and his dad pretend to be a gay couple to get Edie into a fancy preschool (Edie's Two Dads). In another,  SNL alum Nasim Pedrad (Budget Spa) takes Jimmy on a wild date that makes him realize he craves too much validation from women.  Every character's life generally improves from time spent in this unlikely group. Weekly family dinners happen at Jimmy's restaurant, whether cranky Annalise (Kelly Jenrette) has gotten them a table or not. Yes, Jimmy's sous-chef Ravi and personal assistant Annalise are reluctant at first, but enjoy hanging around with the Kingsley clan. Ravi tries to hard to be liked and be a part of Jimmy's family, while outwardly Annalise could care less. Shy Gerald breaks out of his shell, winning over Vanessa, who goes after tough guys with motorcycles and tattoos. Sarah remembers how wild she was hen she knew Jimmy, and learns to forgive him for not being there for her, and forgives herself  for not telling Jimmy they had a son.

     Jimmy needs this new family, plain and simple. We learn toward the end of the season in a heartbreaking origin episode (Jimmy's 50th, Again) that his dad was never proud of him and he filled the last 20+ years with meaningless flings so he didn't have to connect with anyone. When Jimmy meets tough businesswoman and Queen of the "Thanks for last night" muffin basket, Catherine Sanders (Regina Hall), he has his first honest relationship in years. Jimmy also learns how terrible he has treated women in the past. This is also the same point when Sarah admits she has rekindled feelings for Jimmy. Is one big, happy Kingsley clan in the horizon? The answer is NO! 

     The show wrapped season 1 a few weeks ago and was unabashedly cancelled by FOX along with The Grinder. We were left with Gerald's proposal scavenger hunt  for Vanessa gone horribly wrong but accepted. Jimmy's father passed away. Sarah broke up with her boyfriend the day before they were moving in together. Jimmy told Sarah he broke up with Catherine, then went to really break up with her in a dramatic airport run. Sarah discovered this from her granddaughter, and "pulled a Jimmy", leaving Mr. Martino flying solo at a Cure concert, like he stood her up 25 years ago. While I have wrested with my definition of "pulling a Jimmy" (muffin baskets after a one-night stand,  keeping a secret vault of  moisturizer and tanner, namedropping "B' list celebrities), I think I came come to the true definition. Pulling a show off the air while it was developing an emotional heart is "pulling a Jimmy". It is so hard to find a delicate balance of funny, hokey and emotionally moving these days, and FOX pulled a show that is doing all of this. Seriously, does anyone think they are writing this week on Brooklyn 99? Bad move, FOX.

Fred Savage: Super Host

From Guest... (From OneNewsPage)

     I'm calling it here, I think Fred Savage is a great guy and the best of the Savage brothers. Fred hosted Monday and Tuesday's Live! with Kelly (Ripa) shows, and they were both solid slam dunks. Fred brings such a fun energy to the show for 9 A.M.  Fred loves travel trivia and all of the confetti launced into his water. He talked with the best of them,  charming The Bachelorette and the (Game of Thrones) Queen of Dragons in one day. Fred just might be Kelly's new co-host in light of Michael Strahan's recent and abrupt departure for a full-time gig on Good Morning America.

... to Co-host (From Perez Hilton)

One Republic Has "All The Right Friends In All the Right Places" - Ryan Tedder's Musical Genius

Ryan Tedder (noun) - one of the brightest songwriters on the Pop music scene in the new millennium.

     Ryan Tedder is the lead singer of Pop/Rock band OneRepublic. He is the musical equivalent of the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" because his discography has its own Wikipedia page. He plays the piano. He is also pretty handsome. OneRepublic played the tonight show last week to drop their new catchy single, "Wherever I Go". The music video link is very amusing. This caused me to do some binge-listening to Tedder's other classics. The lyrics offer little to the imagination, as they are very honest, direct with feelings and pull at your heartstrings. Here are the 5 best OneRepublic singles.

5. Apologize (2007) Featuring Timbaland
Tedder's first big single is one of his showstoppers. It's slow building orchestration on the piano and Timbaland's faraway hey-ayy-heyy lead off with a haunting waltz. The slow beat is magnified by lyrics like  "I need you like a heart needs a beat.." but as the song clearly explains, it is too late to apologize. That is the  2007 equivalent of Taylor Swift saying "We are never getting back together. Like Ever." Country singer Luke Bryan does a great twangy cover of this on his Doin' My Thing album.

4. Come Home (2009) Featuring Sara Barielles

Sara Barielles (C) PipPepPop

     This is another OR ballad filed with pianos, strings and joined by the beautiful voice of Sara Barielles in perfect harmony.
" Right now there's a war between the vanities/
   But all I see is you and me/
   And the fight for you is all I've even known/
   Ever known.... so come home."
There is such a deep pain and longing in this song. Tedder and Barielles both plead with each other that all can be forgiven if the other one just gives in and comes home.  I can't help but get my teary eyed every time I hear it.

3. Secrets (2009)
     This ballad is reminiscent of Apologize because of the gorgeous sweeping orchestrations, but its even better. Secrets is different about Apologize because it is about hope. The previous song is about closing doors and ending ties, but this one is abut opening up to begin something honest and new. It is just the most beautiful song. This song was used in many advertisements, notably for the movie The Sorcerer's Apprentice and ABC Family's Pretty Little Liars.  Tedder's lyrical genius includes lines "Tell me what you want to hear/ something that will light those ears, sick of all the insincere, I'm gonna give all my secrets all my secrets away."


2. Counting Stars (2013)

     First of all, this song moves at a fast clip (see more about the 'Tedder beat' in #1). What may sound like verbal vomit is actually deep thoughts from Tedder about survival. I consider it to be somewhat like  Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire," but with less world events. When he says "Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive," he is #winning and wiping your face in it. Tedder has dreams that are more important than dollars, and he believes hope is a 4-letter word. My first favorite line in the song comes in the building bridge back to the chorus: "Take that money / watch it burn /  sink in the river /the lessons are learnt." Life sucks, but its how you bounce back that really matters. My second favorite part of the song is in the above image.  Tedder does a superb job of rhyming his 4 pre-chorus verses.

1. Love Runs Out (2014)
     This song echoes a typical repeating bass line (on the piano) or "Tedder driving beat," as I have dubbed his sound. It's easy to see why the song became the official anthem to the recent season 2 of ABC's How to Get Away with Murder. This music video is pretty amusing for starters, and seems to have nothing to do with the song. The lyrics are simple but decisive. The song is intense, relentless, and passionate, like the accompaniment. Here is the rhyming couplet that holds this song together: "I'll be doing this /  if you ever doubt /  'til the love runs out / 'til the love runs out."

    Check back for Ryan Tedder's best productions and collaborations with other artists. He has done over 80 well-known and released songs in the last 10 years. This will blow your mind!