Cop Fridays: Lies Beget Liars, No Matter How Pretty

Gif from Tumblr

     Dear Jesus, someone in the town of Rosewood is finally making sense! Of course it's not the Pretty Little Liars, but it's Spencer's mom, Veronica Hastings. This time and she is on the nose here. She announced she is putting the family home on the market. Veronica simply said,  "Severing ties with this town would be healthy, for all of us." I'm slapping a palm to my face and yelling duh at the top of my lungs. This town is toxic to all of the characters in this show, except Mona, who has nine lives.  Poor Spencer discovered in last week's spring premiere that Veronica is not her biological mother. Somehow, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom, giving us Jason DeLaurentis. Then, Mr. Hastings had an affair with Alison's mom's twin sister, Mary Drake, which brought us Spencer. Spencer and Alison, by my account, are now cousins that share a brother and Spencer's half-brother is Alison's adopted brother, who became a girl (it's deeply socially confusing and a bit backwoods). This revelation came as part of the super creepy "Liars Lane" game that was left for the 5 girls. This creepily customized board game sends clues and tasks via a cell phone, like regular A with the added bonus of a scale model of the girls and their town. Overall, it's less involved than making masks of their faces or re-creating their bedrooms in an underground dollhouse, but still creepy as hell .Do they choose to report the game to the police? Of course not, because they think it would self-destruct before the detectives could even get a look at it. This is one the reasons I can't watch horror movies, I can't believe the characters would be so dumb. As explained in the Cosmo PLL oral history, members of the production staff made a jar and every time someone asked  a logical question (why is she running in heels?? Did the lairs even go to school today?) they had to surrender then door and surrender their disbelief.

The Rosewood Church (c) PipPepPop

     Spencer is now in desperate need to find her mother, who gave birth to her in a mental institution. This is the same institution that Spencer checked in herself for a number of ailments (she went full Jessie Spanno). In short, keeping all these secrets caused Spencer to have a breakdown. Who can blame her, her sister married a psycho who nearly killed Emily before falling off the top of a church. Spencer is also the same girl that blacked out part of the night Alison went missing and realized she tried to bludgeon the girl in the head with a field hockey stick (before they knew they were related). EW!  At the end of the day, Spencer pulled herself together and made it through college.  Adult Spencer devoted her life to her (fake) mother's political aspirations, and spiraled into a somewhat destructive relationship with her best friend Hanna's ex, Caleb. She also stalked her ex, Toby, and his new girlfriend turned baby mama turned fiance. Poor Yvonne is in a coma now after she and Toby  hit a deer with their car (the first non-human hit by a car in this show). The whole messy situation was complicated by Yvonne's mom running for the position Spencer's mom eventually won. Poor Toby was in the middle. Let's also take a moment to remember Toby became a police officer. Was he that good? Well, he didn't get murdered, and I'm 90% sure he never murdered anyone, so in this town that's pretty good.

Image from Giphy

     What is Spencer up to now? She's actually talking to the police about finding Mary, and her recent shooting. We were told by the detective that  out likely Uber A (Blind Jenna) did not shoot Spencer because the ballistics didn't match. This could only mean that Mary shot her own child. She must have been trying to send Spencer a message, unless there was yet another person lurking in the school for the blind when the liars went there to confront the now dead Noel Kahn. At least Spencer is reaching out to a detective!

Rosewood town hall.
(c) PipPepPop

     Here's a roundup of the other potentially legal drama in town. Hannah was designing dresses for a political socialite and Blind Jenna was seen wearing an identical dress. Suddenly the front page of the post claimed Hannah stole the design. This is important to note: Jenna is still bind (or so we think) and her two bodyguards were also blind with sunglasses. It was like she was flanked by the men in black.They also went to a meeting on the "dicey" side of town, which was indicated by a shoe repair shop and a bail bondsman.

     Emily is working at her old school as a swim coach, and trying to help Alison with a situation (see below). Of course, Emily's ex Paige is jealous, and all 3 women work at the same school. This time, Alison doesn't self-destruct; Paige previously lost her mind at a staff meeting. Even A isn't involved in this scandal, it's all in the hands of a whiny teen swimmer. She is a min-Alison, skipping practice and punishing Emily when she got punished. This chick (I'll call her A-minus) shows photos of Emily and Alison hugging during school and alleges some inappropriate conduct with students. Hey, maybe this girl  who would have been 9 when the drama started is the Uber A! Maybe she's another sister of Alison! Clearly, stranger things have happened. Speaking of Alison and stranger things, she is still moping after discovering she is pregnant with her psycho husband's baby. The good news is that the girls killed Alison's kidnapping and embezzling husband. The bad news is that the cops still think he skipped town and fled to Europe. Alison won't tell her other friends about the demon seed, creating a rift between Emily and the other,s like before Ali died. The question I can't figure out is what is Alison's deal? Is she interested in men and women? Does she just like toying with Emily? Will she make a decision about keeping the baby? Will she befall the same fate as her aunt and have this kid in a mental asylum? I don't know, but if I had my way, this baby would be Uber A!

Alison's House / Seaver home-
 Growing Pains (c) PipPepPop

     Finally we wrap-up with Aria. She may or may not still have a job. I'm unclear if she and her fiance Ezra finished writing their novelization about he and his ex-girlfriend getting kidnapped as relief workers. (Yes, this happened, just give in a dollar). Ezra left town because the ex, Nicole, was discovered still alive, and he's spent most of these two episodes in New York with her family trying to help her. Poor Aria feels like she can't even bask in her engagement  (to her former high school teacher) because the news is covering Nicole's story, celebrating the reunited couple (of Ezra and Nicole). Aria ran into a cute, childhood friend, who works for his sister's wedding planning business. Surprise, she's spending all this time with him, and her response to every question is "I don't know what Ezra wants." This is the most truthful thing I've heard in these two new episodes. Maybe it's finally clear that Aria and Ezra do not belong together. The law may not be keeping them apart any more, but they have irreconcilable differences.

{The most interesting thing I learned about filming on the WB studio tour is that every set (inside and exteriors) is dressed daily the the set decorators and teams, down to the signs and knobs}. Please enjoy PLL set photos from the WB studio tour! 

PREDICTIONS:

• I'm still convinced everyone in the town is in on this and they are all "A."
• Aria and Spencer's dads are going to start a creepy dad band.
• Hannah will stop wearing grungy sweats if she wants to be a fashion designer. 
• Spencer will confront her real mother.
• We will never see Spencer's sister or Jason again .
• (because they cannot handle this weird family dynamic) 
• Jenna will get her sight/ we find out she got it back a long time ago.
• Spencer and Toby will get back together.