A Note to the Texas Rangers (Not the baseball team)

The early 2000's were rife with movies starring teen stars that were major box office disappointments, a.k.a. failteens. Texas Rangers (2001) was one of them. For more examples of failteens, see Crossroads, The Rules of Attraction, Sorority Boys, and Longshot. For the record, Rotten Tomatoes gave Texas Rangers an average rating of 3.2 out of 10 (and 48 of the 49 reviewers did not like the movie). It was highly hyped on the pages of teen magazines like J-14 at the time and boasted the names of teen stars like James Van der Beek, Rachel Leigh Cooke, Usher, and Ashton Kutcher, but it flopped. So imagine my surprise when I found it on Netflix Instant! I watched the long-awaited movie and I will now explain why its my favorite western (in western form) and a GOOD bad movie. Yes, there are GOOD bad movies, and then there are BAD bad movies. This definitely falls under the GOOD type of bad movies.

1. People experienced death in a multitude of fashions in the old west.
Cowboy speak: They gone and killed those outlaws by hook or by crook.
There were no less than 6 ways to be killed in the old west:
- hanging
- stabbing
- shooting
- rifle poke to the stomach
- throwing people off a ledge into the Rio Grande (drowning)
- dynamite

2. A giant "set piece" happened within the first 7 minutes of the movie and an entire cast of extras was dead.
Cowboy speak: Those outlaws murdered a town so we had a goshdarn potline.

3. These five words:
- Alfred Molina as the villian.
^ Like in Spiderman, but with a horse instead of octo-arms.
- Dylan McDermott wears cowboy hat
^ This is why i have dubbed DMD the original "McPretty Eyes"
- Dawson crying like a girl.
^ It made him a youtube senation.
- Usher Raymond as an actor.
- Ashton as the dumb one.

4. Classic movie moments and quotes:
- "Don't move or I'll shoot." - Ashton
"What happens of I do move?" - Dawson

- The big rangers recruiting town Brownsville proves its swanky; it has its own windmill.

- Vigilante fighter (cocks gun): "Hey preacher, vote's in."
Dylan McDermott then shoots the man and refuses to give last rites.

- "Would you like that in English, French, or Latin?" - Dawson
"I only know Spanish, Cherokee, and Comanche." - Dylan McDermott

- " You rope yourself a woman and I'll drink the Rio Grande." - Usher to Dawson
Dawson later ropes a woman. Amazing foreshadowing in the script in that scene.

- Ashton is so impatience to take a bath, he jumps in Dawson's bath. Rachel finds them together in the tub and is oddly disturbed. She calmly walks away.

5. Best use of country-type actor in country movie!
- RANDY TRAVIS as the second in command of the rangers.